For sake of sex life, don’t let sleeping dog lie

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This article was published 19/07/2024 (828 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We still let our one-year-old dog sleep between us and he is not a little puppy anymore. He’s a very big breed.

Last weekend we left him with our neighbour while we went to an out-of-town wedding and had a motel room to ourselves. We learned something when we were finally alone in that big bed. We had sex five times in two days. That’s more than we get in a month with the dog sleeping between us.

When we were driving home, I told my husband I didn’t want the dog to sleep in our bed anymore. I said I wanted to have more sex and maybe even try to have a baby.

He agreed, so we tried shutting our pooch out the first night at home.

Our poor doggie howled piteously outside our bedroom door all night, except when he would get so exhausted from protesting that he would sleep for maybe an hour.

Our neighbour said the dog didn’t cry at their house. He was OK to sleep in a bed they put in the kitchen and slept right through the night.

We can’t go on like this, staying awake all night, but we don’t know what to do. And now he’s back in our bed again every night.

We both agree we’re not giving him away, as he’s a beloved part of our family. So what can we possibly do?

— Frustrated Dog Parents, Windsor Park

Dear Frustrated: Your dog has been used to having the warm middle spot in your bed, which was just fine when he was a puppy. But it’s not so cute now when you want your sex life back with a view to starting a family.

Experts often suggest using dog treats as rewards. And here’s how it works: You put together a stash of treats in a drawer by your bed. Then, with the tastiest treat near his nose, you lead Fido out of the bedroom, close to the new doggie bed where he’s going to sleep for the night — and toss the treat on it. While he’s scarfing it down, you sneak back into the bedroom and shut the door fast.

When he’s swallowed the last bite, and is howling to get back in your bed, you take out another treat and do the treat trick again, as often as necessary.

It will be one night or more of interrupted sleep, but it might teach your dog that some very delicious sleeps can be had elsewhere.

Or, you can put a dog bed in your bedroom and see if he will sleep on it there. That way he can still see you but won’t be in your bed.

If those methods don’t work, it’s time to call an animal behaviourist who deals with the psychology of animals and solving behavioural problems (different from an “animal trainer”). But before you accept just anyone’s help, ask the behaviourists to explain their methods, give proof of their education and training and provide references. This is your fur baby after all, and you don’t want a bogus “expert” in the field who simply says they know how to make dogs behave. It’s not a discipline issue.

The Winnipeg Humane Society or your veterinarian should be able to recommend someone you can trust.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 15. Summer was supposed to be the beginning of my life as a free bird away from my parents. I went to the lake with my aunt and her kids, but it turned out my aunt worked me like a dog, babysitting her kids while she sat and drank martinis with her girlfriends on the deck. Their husbands were back in the city.

I was only allowed to go to bed after the last child was asleep. I cried myself to sleep with tiredness and a terrible sunburn most nights after working up to 12 hours straight. Finally I called my mom crying, to come and rescue me.

She showed up two hours later and grabbed and hugged me, crying. Then she started yelling at my aunt (her younger sister) about charging her with child abuse. She took me to the car and drove us home.

I’m OK, now that I’m safe at home.

My dad is also very mad, and I heard he sent “his freak sister-in-law and husband” texts about the incident because they weren’t answering his phone calls.

My mom said she and her sister may not talk again, forever. I didn’t want the family fight to go this far. Is there anything I should do or say?

— I’m Safe Now, Winnipeg

Dear Safe Now: Your taskmaster aunt needs to learn something serious out of this. As long as you told the truth to your mom about how you were being treated, just let the adults work it out now.

Your mom and aunt may stay upset with each other for a time — for pride’s sake, but also long enough to teach your aunt a lesson. She can’t deflect the blame and get away with what she did.

To begin the healing process within the family, she’ll need to give you and your parents a sincere apology and listen to what they have to say. Auntie also needs to learn lessons about how you treat “the help,” plus the negative effects of drinking and not taking proper adult responsibility for children. She might learn down the road, but don’t hold your breath right now.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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