Nasty nickname game not so funny after all

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This article was published 21/05/2024 (858 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My divorced boyfriend — a funny guy — has an ex-wife he calls “Noxious” and two sons he calls “Obnoxious 1” and “Obnoxious 2.” I’ve been sharing stories about him and his nicknames for people with my best friend. Yesterday she asked me what nickname he has for me. That put me on the spot. I said that he calls me by my first name or “Darling Girl.”

She said she wanted to know what he called me to his friends when I wasn’t around. That hit me hard — I didn’t know.

He probably has a funny or rude name for me, too, because he has one for everybody else.

So, I asked him next time he phoned and he went quiet. Then he said, “Ha. Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Now I know I too have a secret nickname to make his friends laugh, and I have to find out what it is. How could I have been so stupid? He has given everybody in his inner circle a rude nickname. What should I do?

— Scared to Know, Transcona

Dear Scared: This is a man who likes to entertain people with mean teasing at the expense of others.

Maybe you don’t have to find out the mean nickname for you that would likely hurt and embarrass you. Consider just dropping this guy — who has a sneaky side and mean mouth — and not looking back.

Be aware of this: if you stay with him and fall out of favour, he’ll really enjoy practising his “wit” at your expense and he’ll have lots of intimate knowledge to work with. His nicknames may be borderline funny at first, but they can also sting and tear down confidence.

Sadly, if a person who is supposed to love you constantly puts you down, it weakens the self-image — and it doesn’t take long.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new man and I, both in our mid-30s, have started going out seriously, or so I thought. Last weekend he took me to the new house he just bought. He was proudly introducing me to neighbours and showing me his new world, like a tour guide.

I thought it was very sweet. He took me for a walk to see the neighbourhood, took my hand possessively and was leading the way.

We ended up running into this woman with a loud voice and laugh. She called out my boyfriend’s name and came over to us. Then she blocked me with her back and asked him what he was doing in the area and if he was following her.

He said, “Never following you, babe. Just moved into the area and this is my new girlfriend.” Then he laughed too loudly and introduced me.

This was confusing to me. On the walk back to his house he told me they used to be together a few years ago. So why did he move there, and why did he take me past her house? I don’t get it.

— Extremely Upset, River Heights

Dear Upset: No matter what lines this guy is giving you about introducing you to his world, it sounds like he was using the walking excursion to run into the old girlfriend — and to not look like he was spying. Then he started acting awkwardly like he was still hung up on her and wanting to make her jealous.

The biggest slip is he called her “babe” — a pet name. It’s time you told him you’re not available as a stage prop in his romantic drama and to move on to find a winning partner for yourself. You can certainly do better than this guy. Make the effort now to find yourself an emotionally safer way to enjoy your summer.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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