Fun outing best move to make up with hurtmom-in-law

Opinion

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This article was published 18/05/2024 (510 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother-in-law scoffed at my plans to be a board-game designer, until she was over one night when I was away and my husband showed her one of my wild and crazy new games. She was amazed and started bragging to everyone she knows about how it works, and it got back to me.

I phoned and told her too loudly she had to stop yapping until the game is actually out, so no one can copy my idea.

She was so hurt! Unfortunately, she’d finally gotten close with me after first not trusting me to amount to anything. Now things have gotten icy cold. How to do I get her back on my side?

— Need to Make Up, South St. Vital

Dear Need to Make Up: Once you’ve sweetly apologized for being too tough on your mother-in-law, try to jump over this bad patch in the relationship with an unusual activity that makes her feel good about being with you again.

Plan a small group outing with the two of you and your friends — some kind of fun outdoor spring activity now that it’s warming up.

Invite a few people you both know and like a lot, to help take the pressure off and let the exciting new experience erase the memory of the bad one. Don’t talk about the old issue with your mother-in-law anymore — not one word of it, unless she brings it up. Even then, just give her smile and a hug and say, “That’s all over now.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I own a small cabin by a small unpopular lake, which means everything to me. I have recovered from a job loss and two wrecked relationships under that little roof barely visible in the trees. It is my precious hideaway.

Now, unexpectedly, along comes this interesting man who stole my heart over the winter, and we are still going strong. Naturally he wants to come out to my cottage, and has hinted about staying there with me all summer. No way!

How would I know if he wouldn’t turn out to be difficult? I really don’t think I want my new man living out there with me, and he’s going to want to, as he’s outdoorsy and just the type. Plus, he can work online as easily as I do. This whole situation is giving me a rash!

How do I confine him to a few weekend visits? I don’t want to break up, but I don’t need him taking over my lake life. By the way, I’m quite settled and feel safe in my life there — no need for his manly protection.

— Personal Paradise, East St. Paul

Dear Personal Paradise: You’ve broken up with people before, and you can do it again. So don’t let unnecessary fear of being trapped stop you from having your new man come out for some cosy, romantic time at the lake. You could have a fantastic time and make some beautiful memories. But it also won’t be a catastrophe if you two sometimes end up getting grumpy and things go poorly, and he ends up going back home earlier than planned.

The trick is to go slowly. Invite your man out for a long weekend and then a full week, and so on — and keep checking on how you’re both feeling about the length of time. He might get tired of seeing you so much, before you get tired of him, so be prepared for that surprising little possibility.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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