Learn from overindulgence, abandonment; move on

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/05/2024 (810 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got drunk and ate almost my weight in party foods at a big bash the other night. I got horribly sick when I got home, throwing up over and over again. My boyfriend was disgusted and just went out again — he left me alone when I was feeling like I might die right there, on the bathroom floor.

He yelled, “Serves you right, big baby. You’re disgusting. Phone your Mommy!”

I did, and Mom came running. We almost had to go to the hospital, but not quite. The next day my mother said, “Now you’re better, we’re going to go and pack you up, and bring you home where you’re at least safe.” Then my dad said in his loudest voice, “I forbid you, to go back to that guy. You could have died for all he cared!”

So now, here I am living with the parents, feeling like a dunce. My boyfriend hasn’t even called. Does that mean he doesn’t care enough to find out if I’m alive?

— Could Have Died, Winnipeg

Dear Could Have Died: Yes, that’s exactly what your boyfriend not calling means. Something very bad could have happened after he walked out, and left you so drunk and sick.

So don’t think of this breakup as a big loss or tragedy. You two were not a great pair who were in love and destined to stay together. Stay home for a good while, and don’t risk your precious young life by getting dead drunk and terribly sick all alone ever again.

It’s time to make some big changes, starting with a five-year plan for a great future. Work on getting an education or the job training you need to be able to stand on your own two feet financially.

For now, let Mom and Dad love you, feed you well and take care of you under their roof, as you get some counselling around healthy love relationships and friendships. That way you can look for good, caring people to have serious relationships with, and nothing less.

You don’t have to truly be in love with a boyfriend or girlfriend to live with them these days, and you don’t even have to promise to take care of them. For some couples, it’s just more convenient to share the same place and warm bed, and split the costs of everything. Don’t accept this as the way it has to be for you now.

Some day you’ll look back on this horrible situation and be glad you used it as a wake-up call to start building a life to be proud of, with people around you who really do love you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I invited my new African friend to come home for a big Sunday dinner at my house, and it was really embarrassing. My teenage sister couldn’t take her eyes off his dark face. He finally tried to make a little joke, saying, “Do I have some food on my chin?”

And then he smiled at her — and she almost fell off her chair!

Now she’s busy looking up stuff about the country he’s from, and she keeps asking when I’m going to invite him back. I told her, “Never, because he’s not for you to gawk at, for God’s sake.” (My new friend took her behaviour just fine, but I was embarrassed, all the same.)

I’ve been to his house once, and his family were so cool. Even the young kids didn’t stare at me — the pasty red-headed guy, trying different kinds of African dishes. Should I stop bringing my new friend home to our house? My ridiculous sister who is “16 going on 12,” is barely able to contain herself and looks like she wants to jump on him.

— Embarrassed Brother, Fort Richmond

Dear Embarrassed Brother: If you got invited to a friend’s home for dinner, and your pal’s sister acted like she’d like to eat you for dessert, would you be disgusted? No, you’d more likely be amused and that’s what this friend of yours is probably feeling.

Ask your new friend outright how he felt, with your sister staring at him. He’ll just laugh! It probably won’t be the first time it’s happened.

Your sister will get over her initial reaction after a couple of visits, although she may not lose her little crush entirely. There’s nothing wrong with a little infatuation, big bro, even when it’s on one of your friends!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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