Seeing red over hair infatuation may be turn-on

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/04/2024 (541 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a strange man with an obsession on my Mexican holiday. He said he was in love with my “hairs of fire,” and told me that every guy knows that “red hairs” are the most passionate women in the world.

I didn’t pay him much attention on my trip — I kissed him once — and didn’t sleep with him. I danced with him a lot in the clubs (he’s a great dancer) we were hanging out in, until he started reaching out and touching my hair.

I would walk away after a dance, but he would keep following me around until I finally yelled at him to stay away.

In the last few days, he finally settled for another woman. She had short red hair, but he still kept staring at me (I have long hair). Why was he so obsessed? It’s silly, especially considering my hair is actually dyed and is really dirty-blonde.

I’m home now, but he got ahold of my mailing address somehow and sent me a sappy romantic card. How do I get rid of this guy, and why is he totally obsessed with me and my red hair?

— Sick of His Obsession, River Heights

Dear Sick: Since the “passionate redhead” stereotype turns this guy on, he might be getting a kick out of you showing your passionate anger — like he’s hitting your “on button.” A real turn-off would be informing him about your dye job. If you are actually going to write him back, tell him that and he will probably disappear.

Try not to be too hard on him. His crime was having a crush on you and loving your hair. Part of passionate relationships is often loving something physical about the other person and having some magical thoughts about it, in the beginning, at least.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m working for my family’s business this summer, but I am not good at it and I already hate it. My mother is a good boss and the “soul of generosity,” as she says herself, but I’m already looking for a new job. My mom won’t think much of me if I jump ship, but I just can’t stand it here. When should I tell her I am going to leave? Help please.

— Swimming in Circles, The Maples

Dear Swimming in Circles: It could take you a month or more to get a new job, but you should give your mom a heads up. She might be secretly relieved to see you go, but she would never fire you.

If you know a friend who could do your present job better than you, talk to your mom about the whole situation, then encourage your friend to apply to replace you, but not until you get hired somewhere else.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just met my wife’s cousin from overseas who is here for a long visit, and she’s a beauty.

I think I’m heading for trouble. I couldn’t help staring at her, and she told my wife, who drove her to stay at another relative’s house.

When my wife got back, I was in trouble. I told my wife that I loved her personality, which made her mad. “So you think I’m not beautiful anymore?” she snapped back.

I do think she’s beautiful, but it’s a deeper kind of beauty. How do I explain that to her?

— In Deep Trouble, West End

Dear Deep Trouble: Make a list of the components of your wife’s beauty — both physical and personality traits. Get help from a sister or a female work friend, someone who understands what you need to express to heal your wife’s feelings of hurt and insecurity over this incident. Then have a long and loving talk with your wife and stay far away from the overseas visitor.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography