Folks’ miserable marriage shouldn’t be benchmark

Advertisement

Advertise with us

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: For the longest time I accepted my partner’s lack of desire for a marriage commitment due to his parents’ ongoing miserable marriage. Their quibbling drags on and on.

Read this article for free:


or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Subscribe and receive a limited-edition Free Press branded hat or tote.

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $205*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*First annual payment billed as $205.00 + GST for one year. This annual subscription will automatically renew at $233.00 + GST every 52 weeks (10% off the regular annual price of $259.35). Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/04/2024 (872 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: For the longest time I accepted my partner’s lack of desire for a marriage commitment due to his parents’ ongoing miserable marriage. Their quibbling drags on and on.

But it’s not fair for him to compare us to them. My man and I are very different. We love our work, sports and each other. My sweetie just doesn’t want to actually get married — making the mistake of ”doing the stupid ring thing.”

He’s scared we will go from happy to miserable like his mom and dad who are “chained to each other.” So he won’t marry me! I want to be happily married after the eight happy years I’ve had with this man. Also, I want kids who share our name, before it’s too late.

Bottom line for me? I’m getting sick of paying the price for my would-be inlaws’ unhappy marriage. Please help!

— Feeling Sad and Hopeless, Westwood

Dear Sad: Tell your boyfriend you’ll be happy to give a marriage to him with a “freedom-back guarantee.” You’ll promise to let go of him with no hassle if things truly don’t work out. Plus, the door will be wide open during the marriage, with no long-term recriminations, if either of you isn’t happy and wants to go.

This sounds casual, but casual is the key that will open your beloved’s stuck door. He can’t bear the thought of being part of another “marriage jail” experience, like his folks are living.

He doesn’t know what a happy marriage experience might be like, so as a last-ditch effort make a list of all the things happily married people do. Start with travelling on big trips, throwing birthday parties to honour each other, and committing to more pets and kids.

Couples who are happily invested in one another do some of these big things and their marriages are fun adventures — on top of their job and home responsibilities.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I felt bad and returned something I stole. I thought the computer tool’s owner would be happy to get the item back and say he was glad I had the guts to own up. Instead, he keeps wanting to know why I stole it in the first place and if I have something against him. I don’t! It was just a temptation I couldn’t resist at the time.

What more does he want from me? Should I ask him, or will that only make things worse? I’m thinking I need to end the friendship, now that he’s making things so complicated. Help!

— Tired of This Guy, West End

Dear Tired: This friend keeps asking you all these questions because he doesn’t quite trust you yet, though he wants to. Was it a mistake to return his tool? Not at all. Will the guy ever really trust you? Maybe, but he will still have nagging questions in his mind about what allowed you to do this in the first place. Consider tapering off this friendship now and keeping your distance, so neither of you feels uncomfortable anymore.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

Report Error Submit a Tip

More Stories

Opening of Bruce Oake Treatment Centre is 'not the finish line, it's the start

Kevin Rollason   5 minute read Preview

Opening of Bruce Oake Treatment Centre is 'not the finish line, it's the start

Kevin Rollason   5 minute read Tuesday, May. 11, 2021

The COVID-19 pandemic has been responsible for postponing or cancelling all kinds of projects, but it didn’t affect construction of the Bruce Oake Treatment Centre, which will be finished months before the planned fall opening.

Read
Tuesday, May. 11, 2021

Winnipeg-produced podcast Careers Under Construction keeps rolling for Pederson Group

Aaron Epp 5 minute read Preview

Winnipeg-produced podcast Careers Under Construction keeps rolling for Pederson Group

Aaron Epp 5 minute read 7:52 PM CDT

It could have been the CEO’s corner office or a boardroom, but instead it’s a media production studio.

Eight storeys above the corner of Portage Avenue and Main Street, the 300-square-foot room in the Pederson Group’s headquarters at 201 Portage Ave. is outfitted with comfortable chairs, a plant and black drapes that block out natural light and control the acoustics.

There are three video cameras, two computers, a few microphones and a variety of portable video lights. All told, the equipment is worth more than $70,000.

It’s here where two of the Winnipeg recruitment firm’s five staff members — Justis Pederson, president and CEO, and Cassie Bezan, director of creative communications — produce Careers Under Construction, a weekly, hour-long podcast featuring interviews Pederson conducts with Manitoba business people.

Read
7:52 PM CDT

Vote for your local trustees

John R. Wiens 4 minute read Yesterday at 2:00 AM CDT

It’s the start of a new school year, but not just any school year. It’s also school board election year.

Nominations are public knowledge and close on Sept. 22 and, on Oct. 28, new or continuing trustees will be elected, re-elected or acclaimed. For the next four years the people chosen will make many of the crucial decisions that affect our children’s education. It’s a big deal (one-third of our children’s school lives).

As a former superintendent, I want to encourage everyone to get involved and, at the very least, vote.

At least two school divisions during the last round elected or acclaimed people who were openly residential school deniers and sexists, people willing to break the law, deny human rights and who defied their educators’, communities’ and government’s efforts to rein them in. They were community dividers, pitting people against one another and against children. Therefore, it’s important to vote responsibly, meaning voters need to familiarize themselves with their candidates.

Missed opportunity could come back to bite Bombers

Taylor Allen 6 minute read Preview

Missed opportunity could come back to bite Bombers

Taylor Allen 6 minute read Wednesday, Sep. 9, 2026

Three yards.

That’s all the Winnipeg Blue Bombers needed to leave Sunday’s Labour Day Classic in Regina with a victory.

But instead of attempting a two-point conversion for the win, head coach Mike O’Shea played it safe. He trotted out kicker Sergio Castillo for an extra point to force overtime after rookie receiver Dorian Singer caught a five-yard touchdown with zero seconds left on the clock.

The Saskatchewan Roughriders (8-4) dusted themselves off and hit pay dirt in extra time to escape with a 32-26 win in front of a record crowd of 34,352 — the most since the new Mosaic Stadium opened in 2017.

Read
Wednesday, Sep. 9, 2026

Banjo Bowl a big deal for new and returning faces

Ken Wiebe 7 minute read Preview

Banjo Bowl a big deal for new and returning faces

Ken Wiebe 7 minute read 6:16 PM CDT

Kenneth Womack never doubted this day would come.

For all of the twists and turns along this journey, Womack believed in himself and the work he’s been putting in on the road to becoming a professional football player.

So, as the Winnipeg Blue Bombers receiver gets set to make his CFL on Saturday afternoon against the Saskatchewan Roughriders in the Banjo Bowl, you can be sure he’s going to take a moment to savour the experience while doing his best to make it feel like any other game he’s played previously.

“Once I run out the tunnel, it’s all going to sink in,” Womack said after Friday’s walkthrough.

Read
6:16 PM CDT

Sour celebration: Mother’s Day call to remote learning weighs on parents, teachers

Maggie Macintosh 4 minute read Preview

Sour celebration: Mother’s Day call to remote learning weighs on parents, teachers

Maggie Macintosh 4 minute read Monday, May. 10, 2021

Rather than join her children on a hike Sunday, Brandy Cook was among the many teacher/mothers in Manitoba who spent what was supposed to be an afternoon of celebration preparing for an abrupt shift to remote learning.

It was not the extra work, which has been constant for educators throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, nor cancelled plans that frustrated her. What angered Cook was the timing of the province’s announcement: 1:30 p.m. on Mother’s Day.

“The reality is that child care in a large amount of families falls onto mothers. The pandemic has affected women at higher rates than men. They’re the ones expected to make sacrifices,” said Cook, who teaches Grade 9 social studies, science and English in Winnipeg.

“The idea that they waited until Mother’s Day seemed malicious and sexist, and it just really made me angry because it was unnecessary.”

Read
Monday, May. 10, 2021