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Opinion

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This article was published 06/04/2024 (554 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife used to be a dancer and stripper in a bigger city — and she was one of the best! She danced in the best clubs and disrobed in style. She’s a senior now and has started writing a book about it, but one of her embarrassed daughters is getting her shirt in a knot.

Mom is going to reveal all, with some stories and lovely photos of herself. More power to her, I say. My wife was amazing in her prime.

We just don’t know how to handle the situation with this daughter. The other middle-aged daughters don’t care. They think it’s fun and amusing, if anything. But now my wife is hurting because of the critical daughter — and when my wife is disrespected and hurting, I get mad. What do you suggest?

— Protective Husband, Manitoba

Dear Protective: Encourage your wife to hurry the project and get the book in print just the way she wants it. Let her daughter complain after it’s a fait accompli. It could be that the critical daughter will end up hearing good reviews and act as if she was all for the project all along.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think my wife may have become involved with a guy at a garden centre because our place is suddenly full of plants we can’t afford.

I asked her if I could see a receipt for a tree sticking out of her trunk that she dragged home yesterday. She dodged the question. Then last night, when she didn’t know I had come in the house, I overheard her relating the tree story to her girlfriend. She was talking about dickering with “that sexy gardening centre guy.” He gave the tree to her for a ridiculous price — and put a ribbon on it for her (his idea). She finished by saying, ”Wasn’t that a cute thing to do?” Not cute. But I know my wife and she would fall for that kind of move. That’s something I would have done when I was a younger. I’m older than her by 12 years.

I was so mad I cornered her after the call, and asked her to tell me what was going on. She accused me of being jealous, and I admitted I was. She told me I never pay any attention to her anymore, so what did I expect?

She’s right. I don’t pay enough attention to her. In fact, we don’t have enough sex because I’m tired from work. She’s still a university student, and is anything but tired. She’s revved up half the time.

To win the fight she yelled, “How come you had so much more energy before when we were just dating? “I had no answer for her. I’m doing the same job as I did then, but I guess I’ve lost the energy to be with an immature woman like her.

I used to love her like crazy and imagined having kids with her before it was too late for me to enjoy them. It turns out she’s in no hurry to have children and says she may not want them at all. That makes me feel very sad and disappointed.

It’s getting late to find a new woman to be the mother of my children. The thought of starting all over again is completely disheartening to me. What should I do?

— So Tired Now, southeast Winnipeg

Dear Tired: There are different kinds of tiredness — and “emotional fatigue” is the worst. That’s what you’re feeling. Combined with being physically tired, it can bring you way down and then you can’t fight your way out of it easily. So, give yourself a little breathing room before you blow your wife off.

You are both aware of the problems, but underneath the mutual anger and frustration, you may still love each other. Mr. Plant Guy may not even be in the running, although he’s trying his hardest.

As for the family you want to start, it seems you and your younger mate need to talk seriously right now. Men can still make babies successfully until they’re much older, but women can’t.

If the truth is your wife doesn’t really want children with you anymore, then you need to know that painful fact. That’s a real deal breaker, but it shouldn’t be the end of your dream. Perhaps you’d be happier with a woman more your age, who already has children to share with a new partner who loves and wants kids.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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