Biz work imbalance jeopardizing marriage

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/07/2023 (852 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m currently living out my worst nightmare. My husband bought a business without telling me, and I’m essentially stuck running it. He acts like he’s busy all the time, but I know for a fact he’s avoiding the real work — and just wants to shmooz with customers.

I thought I’d be spending my 60s enjoying my grandkids, and finally getting a break from long workdays. Now I find myself working 10 hours or more every single day, trying to make my husband’s dream business come true — and without much real help from him.

What can I do? The only way out I can see is divorce. I used to love the guy, but now the feeling is starting to ebb away

— Retired No More! River Heights

Dear Retired No More:It’s a cinch you can’t continue doing the hard work of the business with your strength, energy, love and respect dwindling. Replacing you with paid staff is the answer, though there might not be enough money coming in yet. Still, insist on hiring at least one person to do half of your work.

If you simply can’t reason with him, then go for marriage counselling — and ask him to come. Counsellors open up difficult conversations that desperately need to happen, and it will certainly wake your husband up to the fact his marriage is slipping down the drain.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a divorced woman in my late 30s with no children. I started a beautiful long-distance relationship with a guy I met while travelling at Christmas two years ago. I know he doesn’t earn a ton of money, but I don’t earn all that much more. He won’t fly here to see me, even though I have offered him tickets.

I’ve flown three times to see him in his home country and he always wants to come stay with me in my hotel. I haven’t met his family yet, though he talks about his parents and brothers. My family thinks he’s hiding something, like a wife or a girlfriend. He’s really a shy man and I just can’t see him being the cheating type!

Am I seeing things through rose-coloured glasses? Should I break down and just ask him outright if he’s hiding a wife and family? I’m afraid to lose him altogether. I have no one else and I don’t want to find out my family is right.

— Long-Distance Relationship Hurting, Osborne Village

Dear Hurting: If this man wanted you to be part of his “real” life and he was free, he would have taken you home to meet his family. He’d also have been interested to meet your loved ones, and see your world here in Canada.

This man may be enamoured with you romantically and sexually, but has a wife and children he loves in a different way, and he has no intention of abandoning them. Most affairs between travellers and locals don’t last as long as yours has, but that doesn’t mean you’re gaining any ground in terms of commitment.

As for shyness being lumped in with sincerity, some shy guys — especially the good-looking ones — get all the ladies on holidays. Why? Because they “seem” like they’d be sincere and wouldn’t be playing the usual games — even if they are!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography