‘Meaningless’ parental meltdowns still leave marks

Advertisement

Advertise with us

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mom and dad were on their 40th anniversary vacation and got into such a big fight, my mom is flying back early. My dad says he’s staying at their hotel in Jamaica “indefinitely.” Empty threat! I don’t believe that for a minute.

Read this article for free:

or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Subscribe and receive a limited-edition Free Press branded hat or tote.

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $205*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*First annual payment billed as $205.00 + GST for one year. This annual subscription will automatically renew at $233.00 + GST every 52 weeks (10% off the regular annual price of $259.35). Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/07/2023 (1127 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mom and dad were on their 40th anniversary vacation and got into such a big fight, my mom is flying back early. My dad says he’s staying at their hotel in Jamaica “indefinitely.” Empty threat! I don’t believe that for a minute.

This whole situation is just so typically “them.” All my life they’ve had these massive, dramatic fights that never end up meaning anything in the end. All they ever do is stress out their adult kids.

When my mom called me to tell me what was going on, I lost it! I used to feel sorry for them but I just don’t care anymore. I don’t want to explain to my kids that Grandma and Grandpa are emotionally-stunted, 60-plus-year-old children.

I’m no longer talking to them. My husband thinks I’m going too far, but I don’t care anymore. What do you think?

— Daughter of Emotional Misfits, Transcona

Dear Daughter of Misfits: Cutting your parents out of your life will cause you a lot of pain in the end. Instead, you can refuse to be part of their fights. Tell them your listening services are no longer available and that they need to enlist professionals now. Research the reputations of local therapists who specialize in couples and give theme a list.

Because your folks are grandstanders, they might actually enjoy going for couples counselling! Someone will be listening to them attentively — and it would be a brand-new audience for their same old fights.

Unfortunately, you can’t count on your folks stopping their fights this time, or ever, as making up after a big blowup is also part of the thrill for them. But you can tell them, without any guilt, that you will only talk to them in “peace time.” Tell them clearly you and your husband will hang up without explanation every time they call to vent, post-fight.

Of course, they won’t believe that and will test you by calling after a dust-up. Your response? “Call us when it’s all over and you’ve made up.” They may protest, “But we’re your parents!” to which you reply, in a good-natured voice, “Could have fooled me. You’re acting like teenagers again. Bye for now!”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have strong feelings about my religion, but my new boyfriend won’t listen. He used to belong to the same church as my family when he was in grade school, but his family broke away from it, over some issues.

He says they wouldn’t be thrilled to hear I go to their old church. Also, I’m trying hard to convince him to go with me. What can I say to him? We are both 16.

— Very Upset, Wolseley

Dear Upset: How would you feel if a new boyfriend tried to convince you to leave your church? It’s natural to be enthusiastic about one’s clubs, sports, activities and places of worship, and to chat about them with a new sweetheart, but it’s not a good idea to push them on someone.

You’re likely going to experience strong pushback if you keep this up. You’re 16 and chances are you’re going to experience more than one relationship before you marry. With that in mind, let up on this guy and just enjoy him for who he is and what he enjoys.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

Report Error Submit a Tip

More Stories

Ticked off by Trump’s tantrums

Scott Forbes 4 minute read Preview

Ticked off by Trump’s tantrums

Scott Forbes 4 minute read 2:01 AM CDT

U.S. President Donald Trump recently threatened tariffs on Canadian products for the wildfire smoke that wafts across the border.

We have failed to manage our forests properly, he says, causing the smoke choking America’s big cities. And many of his Republican colleagues have joined the chorus, demanding sanctions against Canada for our unneighbourly behaviour. We north of the border should all be outdoors, rakes in hand, to clear combustible debris from our forest floors. Quite right.

Canada is missing a major economic opportunity. Just imagine an army of rake-equipped forestry workers. What a boost to rake manufacturers!

Canada’s boreal forest is only 2.7 million square kilometres. If we gave each Canadian, including infants and the elderly, a rake, each would only have to clear 6.6 hectares (about 16 acres). Piece of cake! Many, of course, would be raking the more than two-thirds of remote boreal forest without road access. This would boost the employment of highly trained search and rescue workers!

Read
2:01 AM CDT

Letters, Aug. 4

7 minute read 2:01 AM CDT

Charge highlights need for action

The recent reporting regarding a Winnipeg Fire Paramedic Service employee accused of violating a protection order, following previous convictions related to criminal harassment and breaches of court orders against former partners, raises concerns that extend beyond a single individual.

I believe this case highlights important questions about how public institutions assess and respond to risks associated with intimate partner violence, stalking, coercive control and repeated violations of court-imposed conditions.

Gender-based violence is a public safety issue. Survivors are encouraged to seek protection orders and to call emergency services for safety and support. When those orders are breached, organizations have a responsibility to carefully consider workplace safety, public safety and survivor safety in their decision-making. Manitobans deserve confidence that public institutions have clear, consistent processes to assess risk and respond appropriately.

Fort Gibraltar events on hold until engineer issues report

Maggie Macintosh 5 minute read Preview

Fort Gibraltar events on hold until engineer issues report

Maggie Macintosh 5 minute read Thursday, Jun. 1, 2023

Fort Gibraltar is closed and upcoming events are on hold pending an engineer’s report after a section of the historical site’s elevated walkway collapsed under the weight of students and a teacher during a school trip Wednesday.

The Seven Oaks School Division redirected two groups that were scheduled to visit Whittier Park – a popular destination for students of all ages, wedding parties and history buffs – on Thursday.

Owing to the uncertainty at the venue, the classes changed their plans and went to Kildonan Park instead, said superintendent Brian O’Leary.

Festival du Voyageur, which maintains and operates the trading post, declined to comment on how many field trips had been planned for June.

Read
Thursday, Jun. 1, 2023

Paralympics open in empty stadium - just like Olympics

Stephen Wade, The Associated Press 6 minute read Preview

Paralympics open in empty stadium - just like Olympics

Stephen Wade, The Associated Press 6 minute read Tuesday, Aug. 24, 2021

On Wednesday at 12 p.m. ET, Toronto Star baseball columnist and Deep Left Field podcast host Mike Wilner will answer your questions about the Blue Jays and anything else baseball-related.

Read
Tuesday, Aug. 24, 2021

Toronto’s alternative crisis response model deemed a success

Scott Billeck 4 minute read Preview

Toronto’s alternative crisis response model deemed a success

Scott Billeck 4 minute read 2:01 AM CDT

A Toronto emergency response program that helped inspire Winnipeg’s proposed alternative crisis response model has already expanded city-wide, just four years after launching as a pilot project.

The Toronto Community Crisis Service, launched in 2022, has become the city’s fourth emergency service, providing a 24-7, community-based response to people experiencing mental health crises. The service has handled nearly 50,000 calls through 911 and 211, dispatched mobile crisis teams to more than 41,000 incidents, made more than 11,600 referrals to health and social services and resolved the majority of eligible 911 calls without police involvement.

Winnipeg Mayor Scott Gillingham last week proposed creating a similar “fourth crisis response pathway” that would allow 911 calls that aren’t violent or criminal in nature to be transferred to community-based crisis teams.

Under the proposal, which has support from both the Winnipeg Police Service and the Winnipeg Fire Paramedic Service, a centralized crisis dispatch and co-ordination hub would receive triaged calls and match them with citywide response teams, staffed in part through existing community organizations, including the Downtown Community Safety Partnership and The Link’s mobile crisis teams. The goal is to divert appropriate calls away from the WPS and WFPS.

Read
2:01 AM CDT

Abortion rights poised to go before Michigan voters in fall

Joey Cappelletti, The Associated Press 5 minute read Preview

Abortion rights poised to go before Michigan voters in fall

Joey Cappelletti, The Associated Press 5 minute read Monday, Jul. 11, 2022

LANSING, Mich. (AP) — Abortion rights are poised to come before Michigan voters in November after an abortion rights campaign turned in a record-breaking number of signatures Monday for a ballot initiative to the secretary of state’s office.

The effort will further increase attention on Michigan's elections, where the battleground state’s Democratic governor and attorney general have made abortion rights a centerpiece of their reelection campaigns.

The push to enshrine abortion rights in the state constitution comes weeks after the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and gave states the power to decide whether to ban the procedure. The ruling is expected to lead to abortion bans in roughly half the states.

Michigan is among several states with a pre-Roe abortion law that was set to take effect if Roe was overturned. However, a judge issued an injunction that temporarily blocked it. The 1931 law would make abortion a felony in all cases, except when “necessary to preserve the life of such woman.”

Read
Monday, Jul. 11, 2022