Face it, you’re not charmer’s last, never will be

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/04/2023 (1294 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was walking across a parking lot on a warm day recently, carrying two heavy buckets of paint. I spotted this good-looking guy I recognized coming towards me, with his arms out in a big, theatrical romantic gesture.

Only this guy would see my paint situation as a great setup for a joke. He grabbed me by the shoulders and kissed me a big juicy one on the lips. I couldn’t stop him! It was my favourite old boyfriend, and I didn’t want to stop him anyway.

We went for drinks at a bar on the same parking lot. He took the paint cans in with us and slapped them on the bar! We had so much fun, and we drank too much. I took him home for two days, like he knew I would!

Now, he says he wants to start seeing me again full time, and he swears he’s changed. Yeah, right! He chases every skirt he sees. They don’t have to be single either. The trouble is, he’s so much fun and such a great lover that he can get away with it.

How do I get past this crazy meeting? I lie in bed and fantasize about him every night, but I know he’ll never be a one-man woman in this lifetime. What to do? He’s so hard to get over.

— Crazy About Him Again, River Heights

Dear Crazy: Picture him with a roll of tickets — the kind you buy for the rides at a big midway. You know, the ones with all the people laughing and screaming as they go round and round. But, you are only one woman, so you only get a few tickets to ride with him, before he moves on.

That’s the kind of player he can afford to be. You may be one of his all-time favourites, but you’re not the last, and never will be. Why? Because women just love this charming guy, and he loves who he is when he’s sweet-talking them!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My spouse is soooo boring, and year after year he’s become more irritable and crotchety. I used to drag him out to stuff and to meet new people, but he’s critical and weird when I do. He hates doing much of anything except watching TV and reading, but he isn’t depressed. He literally grew up in a freezing northern climate but just did very little when growing up.

We’ve been together a long time, and I used to do a lot of stuff on my own, but health issues and my spouse’s disapproving eye have caused me to become more and more spiteful. My spouse is boring, but he is stable. However, I’m feeling maybe this relationship has run its course. Do you have any advice for me?

— Frustrated, Winnipeg

Dear Frustrated: People like you are not just “suggesting” their introverted mates go out. They’re thinking, “Life is too short for this nonsense,” and some are on the brink of leaving. Now the pandemic has eased up, outgoing mates are pushing for a “real” social life as a couple. They need to get out and interact with other human beings — and they don’t want to go out alone all the time.

That’s understandable, but don’t throw yourself into a divorce situation right away, and drag through this spring and summer feeling depressed and messed up. Rather than making your husband’s inactivity your problem, get out and enjoy your freedom without his critical eye on you.

Organize a variety of activities, like a lunch group with girlfriends at different restaurants, or a walking/exercising group to help you get healthier. Also, on hot summer nights, phone friends and relatives to go to air-conditioned movies. With your outgoing buddies, you could hit different sizes of concerts and festivals and run into all kinds of people you haven’t seen for years.

You could even consider renting a cabin at a nice lake and inviting your girlfriends up to swim, sunbathe and party with you. Make it your business to have a happy, social time over the coming summer months. Then in the cool months of fall, if you know for sure you’ve totally had it with your anti-social husband, see a lawyer and start freeing yourself up.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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