Accept the fact you’re a sensitive soul

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m 30, and recently met a girl eight years younger than I am. While we had a great time the first weeks going out for dinners, to the bar and back to my place to make love, she’s now thrown up a big wall!

She left very early in the morning yesterday. I yelled that I wanted to see her again real soon, as she went out the door. But she hasn’t replied to my texts or phone calls since! I’ve reached out, four or five times. I feel like I’m doing something wrong, but I can’t help feeling a lot for her! What should I do?

— Longing for More, River Heights

Dear Longing: Stop trying to reconnect now. By not replying, she’s telling you she’s not interested. You don’t need more of this rejection pain in your life, and you don’t need all this uncertainty and obsessing.

Talk to a relationship counsellor to try to analyze why this woman might not think you two are a match, but don’t give it too much of your time and money.

Also, considering how much pain and rejection you’re feeling, accept the fact you’re a sensitive person, and it’s not safe emotionally being a sex-on-the-first-date kind of guy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mom has never been the best mother to me. But I figured a grandchild would melt her ice.

But get this! She has only come to see our baby twice — once after our little boy was born and then she said, “He looks like Fat Uncle Louis!” Her second visit was this week, and she didn’t even want to hold her grandson when he was smiling and gurgling at her.

Seriously, I can’t believe I’m sitting here wishing my own mother would show more interest in her own first grandchild! What would cause a person to be that way? I know our relationship hasn’t always been the best, but how do I get her involved?

— Disappointed by Reaction, Garden City

Dear Disappointed: There’s a chance your child’s grandma will warm up when the tyke is sitting up and chatting away in baby-talk to her. But she may just remain cold.

So start now substituting in other folks in the family like aunts, and even close neighbours and friends who love children. Then it will stop mattering so much that Ma is not interested.

Here’s another possible angle: Try not to let your mother’s problem be your problem any longer. Digging into her emotional problems could complicate things for you and make the situation worse. For now, just concentrate on your little one!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I guess I screwed up. My girlfriend has this one female friend that drives me crazy. She’s always trying to pit my girlfriend against me, and it works. We only fight after she has been spending time with this person! Recently, I told her I was sick of this friend, because she has an obviously negative effect on us as a couple.

My girlfriend then told me she had news for me — she definitely wasn’t about to stop talking to one of her best friends for “some guy.” Now I’m feeling stupid for complaining, and pretty much getting rid of my first real sex partner/girlfriend. Did I do the wrong thing? What do you think?

— Stupid Guy? Fort Garry

Dear Guy: The sexual attraction was there for you and this girlfriend, but the emotional glue to get you over this hump was not. Be glad this is over and you’re free to look for someone else who really does care about you, and is excited about you as a sweetheart and lover. That will be much more fun and will leave you feeling loved, appreciated and secure.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a lesbian in love with my new live-in partner from this summer. But “Trouble” has just arrived back from Saskatchewan. I suddenly have unwanted competition from one of my woman’s old lovers, who just moved back to Manitoba for a good job. She phones my sweetie day and night, supposedly needing Winnipeg contacts for this and that.

She’s been getting extra sneaky about it, now that September has rolled around. When she first got here, she was phoning when I’d be around and listening in. Now I get home from work and they’ve already been on the phone, talking over their day’s work — way too buddy-buddy!

When I complain about it, I get “Grow up!” or yesterday I got, “Pour yourself a stiff drink and relax!” Who invites their lover to shut up and drink their concerns away? What now?

— Feel Like Garbage, West End

Dear Feel Like Garbage: Most people wait until the bitter end to try to “bolt” from a relationship. By then, they’re feeling beaten down and ironically it’s harder to pick up and leave.

It’s time to stop trying now and start looking for a new place and a new love. Wondering how to fill all that empty space? This is the time of year when new classes begin, and your best bet is to take a couple of cool courses and join a gym to get rid of frustration and chat with new people.

Take care of yourself in every way possible, and then enter the dating game again, feeling strong enough to cope.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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