Don’t deny your dream of taking to the sky

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I swear I was a flyer of some kind in another life. I am in love with all flight activities — ultra-gliders, small and big planes — and finally have the money saved to get start taking lessons this summer.

My partner — also a woman — doesn’t want me to risk my life “and possibly die” and is kicking up a big fuss, so I won’t lay down money for lessons. Last night she cried for an hour. Yeesh.

I finally told her last night not to ask me to a make the choice between her and flying. What do you think when your partner wants you to deny a part of you that’s so important? Please help.

— Time to Spread My Wings, Headingley

Dear Wings: You have already decided what you need to do, and all that remains is being true to yourself. If you deny your need to fly, you will hold your partner responsible. That kind of deep resentment gets in the way of the true expression of love.

If you get involved in the flying world this summer, you will meet all kinds of people who share your passion. They would make better mates for you in the long run, as they would understand your feelings and cheer you on. It’s important not to stifle yourself.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I never thought I would be lonely surrounded by my three sisters, but I sure am now that we’re all in our 20s. They’re all straight, and I’m a lesbian.

I can’t join in conversations about boyfriends and they don’t ask me anything about my relationship with my wonderful girlfriend. God knows what they might hear.

They know my partner but don’t acknowledge her special place in my life or invite her to any parties or celebrations. They know I’ll bring her anyway, but they’re chilly towards her.

On the other hand, my girlfriend’s family couldn’t be any warmer or welcoming to me. I spend most celebrations at their place, which only makes me feel like less a part of my own family. That hurts. How can I change this situation?

— Left Out Sis, Fort Richmond

Dear Left Out: Go big and surprise everyone. Expand the numbers and social mix at your family get-togethers and it will be more fun. Host some dinners and invite both families, plus other friends who are gay and straight, and particularly those who are fun and entertaining.

At the least, double your celebration invites and shift the harsh focus off diverse sexualities by getting people laughing together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve decided to stay in the city this summer instead of continuing the custom of renting a cabin for two weeks with my three best friends. I don’t know how I could even get to sleep with any possibility of wildfires.

When I told my girlfriends over lunch that scorching summer weather will surely still be coming and that I’m too scared to go to the lake with them, they just stared at me. They told me I had a much bigger problem than the wildfires.

They were referring to my husband who has not been faithful in our marriage, but I just suffer and stay. So the girls are going ahead with their cottage plans without me for the first time in 12 years. That hurts so much.

I finally have to face facts. My husband just wants me away at a cabin so he can have his annual time off in the city to be with his pals to drink, gamble and chase women. What should I do?

— Missing Out, North End

Dear Missing Out: At the very least, drive out a couple mornings to see your friends and then come home in the evenings if you must. Don’t tell your husband your exact plans. Why make it easy for an untrustworthy partner to play around?

More importantly this summer, you should consider getting some solo counselling around your painful marriage to help build yourself up emotionally and financially. Then you can seriously consider leaving this cheater who continues to disrespect and hurt you.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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