Constantly lurking ex-hubby has crossed line

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This article was published 07/07/2025 (472 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into my ex-husband again — the jerk who stalks me socially, even at my family’s favourite beach. He “just happened” to turn up last weekend and was with another young woman as usual. She was very beautiful with dark-brown hair and skin like me, but in her early 20s.

She was clinging to his arm, gazing up at him and laughing at his never-ending jokes. Suddenly, he felt me looking at him — and he actually waved.

He always turns up wherever I am and it freaks me out. I don’t know how and why he does it.

He seems to know my every move socially. I notice he’s been going to a suspicious number of the same functions.

I think he must have a spy network because I don’t talk to him unless I’m forced to. I believe he just loves to see my upset expression when he runs into me in public.

I can’t stand the look of him, but a lot of young women are attracted to his muscled body and he always seems to have one tagging along. He puts on an act of being polite and charming to me and tries to introduce me to his women.

What does he want from me? He cheated on me and got caught after only two months of marriage. He told me his urges are too strong to be restricted to one woman.

He scared me in the end, so I ended the marriage before I got pregnant and tied to him by a child.

For him, I know I’m “the one who got away” and his ego can’t stand that. Please help.

— Stalked By Ex-Husband, Winnipeg

Dear Stalked: The young women on his arm are probably unwitting covers he uses, who don’t really know what’s up when he’s out with them — stalking you.

This is a serious matter and it’s time to involve the law.

A lawyer will probably suggest you get a legal order in place to keep your invasive ex-husband at a certain distance, and for it to be illegal for him to contact you in any way.

He really needs to know ASAP that people are on to him and his illegal actions, and he could wind up in jail. If you get a legal order to keep him at a distance and he shows up in your space anyway, police can charge him.

If you can’t afford a lawyer, Legal Aid Manitoba may be able to help you. Depending on your financial situation, they can offer affordable pricing and even free help for their services.

It would also be a good idea to see a psychologist or counsellor who can explain how this man thinks and functions, and what he really wants when he follows you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was out at the lake recently with my new fit body, wearing my first-ever bikini, and I saw an old friend who started with me at my weight-loss group last winter. She was coming down the path toward me alone, and was still very chubby.

She clearly saw me coming, with two big double ice-cream cones in her hands and no obvious company. She looked very upset and veered off the main path so she wouldn’t have to pass me. I didn’t go after her because I was afraid she’d be upset or yell at me to go away.

I don’t want to be fat again, but why did I have to lose this friend over it? I really liked her, and she had a great sense of humour. I wondered where she had disappeared to and why she didn’t take my phone calls.

What should I do, if anything? Should I call her again?

— Lost More Than Weight, West End

Dear Lost More: You haven’t seen this friend since she quit the weight-loss class and now she has seen the new successful you. She must have felt embarrassed running into you when she was carrying two big ice creams.

Now, try to play this forward in your imagination: where would the conversation go? It might not be good. Instead, consider messaging her, saying you’re sorry she doesn’t feel comfortable being friends at this point, and that you miss her. Add that you would be glad to hear from her if she ever changes her mind because you enjoyed her friendship.

Don’t even mention the ice-cream incident. It’s not necessary to open that wound.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.qq

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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