You’re only as stuck in union as you choose to be

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ever-expanding wife of eight months says she’s sick of me and my drinking. I told her I’m tired of her and her overeating.

She’s been piling on weight and there’s not even a pregnancy as an excuse — she says kids are just too messy to consider.

I can’t even remember when we last had sex. We fight all the time now that we’re married and it feels like we’re stuck in the mud. She just keeps on saying, “You signed the wedding papers, too, so don’t complain to me.”

What can we do? All we do is go to work, come home and argue.

— Marriage Mistake? Exchange District

Dear Mistake: You two seem to be getting a twisted kind of enjoyment out of quarrelling about your marriage. Why waste your time doing this if it’s such a mistake?

With no kids, you two are only as stuck as you want to be. One or both of you can easily walk away from the strained marriage, get legal counsel and a divorce to free you up again.

The two of you are not good for each other’s self-esteem with all this bitterness, so maybe it’s time to cut your losses and cope with your respective issues on your own.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m seriously in love with someone at work. Sometimes we stop talking in mid-sentence and just stare at each other. We really just want to kiss each other senseless.

She is a woman and so am I. The good thing is we’re both divorced now, having finally left our unhappy straight marriages. We are very, very close.

The trouble is, we hold high positions with our company and the owners of it are “down on gays,” as they sometimes say.

The only way we can see each other for any length of time is by doing work projects that involve private meetings. We also do a little travelling together for the company, which is hard to wrangle.

I’d like us to start seeing each other openly, but my mate says her ex-husband will use that to make a legal move to try to have their kids live with him full time. So now what?

— Ladies in Love, West St. Paul

Dear Ladies in Love: Hike off together to see some lawyers about the likelihood of your love losing primary custody of the children over her being with another woman.

You likely already know custody is not simply about the adults’ desires. It matters who the children want to live with and who would be around more for them to see to all their needs and show them proper love and attention.

Would you ever want to live with this woman and her children? Do you know them and like them? There is much to consider, so take it slowly, and do a lot of experimenting, especially where various experiences with her kids are concerned.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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