Split with bisexual mate not down to trickery

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend left me for a man and I’m speechless. I’m straight and female, and we had a great sex life — or so I thought. I had no idea he was bisexual.

When I told him I was shocked and asked why he didn’t tell me he was bisexual up front, he said, “What for?”

It seemed to me we could have had a serious relationship as two people happy together and sexually attracted. I then thought about this for a couple of days and realized I wouldn’t have given the relationship a shot if he had told me up front.

Now I’m hurting the same way as I have at the end of any relationship, but I’m madder than usual. If he would have told me the whole truth, I could have walked away in the beginning and saved myself a painful breakup. I feel like I was used as an experiment, but then he told me I wasn’t his first woman, so I guess it was more a matter of him pretending to be straight in order to be with me, and it’s just making me more angry.

I just don’t get it. If he would told me in the beginning I wouldn’t have entered into a relationship with the chips already stacked against me.

— Feeling Tricked, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Tricked: Many bisexual people end up marrying or in long relationships with either a man or a woman, but it’s likely not down to just choosing one sex over the other, it’s about the strength of the bond with the person they’re in love with. You need to accept this man just did not fall in love with you as a person and he decided he had to let the relationship go.

The next time you meet an intriguing and attractive guy, consider asking about his sexual preferences before a deep emotional bond develops.

And you must be just as honest. Let him know you had a relationship with a man who told you part way down the romance path that he was bisexual and that it was a painful experience. If you get that out of the way early on you’ll be able to relax and let the emotions prosper if they’re going to.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a single guy with a new cabin. I also bought myself a puppy that women seem to find really attractive, as they like to come up and pet him when we’re out and about by the beach.

He really likes women and so do I. The trouble is he strains hard on the leash when we pass on narrow paths and sidewalks, because he wants to sniff up their bodies — and women sure don’t like that. It can be embarrassing. How can I work this out with him so neither of us gets in trouble anymore?

— Pup Hiccup, Winnipeg Beach

Dear Pup Hiccup: Your furry pal needs to know command words like “sit” or “stay” when you need to rein in this behaviour with oncoming women. Then you can step aside of the narrow path or sidewalk and let them pass, rather than having an embarrassing sniffing situation develop. Connect with a local dog-training outfit where you and your pup can learn how to control such impulsive behaviour.

You could also think about taking your new pal for walks in the early morning or later in the evening when there are fewer people around.

Trainers suggest teaching a pup a few welcome command words such as, “OK … sniff,” when he’s in a good place to explore freely. He will love that free time.

Here’s hoping you meet a single woman who loves pups — and you — this summer. Then all three of you can enjoy the beach together.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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