Wedding-invite snub raises troubling red flags

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This article was published 28/02/2024 (943 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend recently got a wedding invitation in the mail for him and his special guest. That should be me, but he’s not taking me. That hurts.

He says I shouldn’t be making such a big deal of it, yet we are an exclusive couple as of six months ago.

I feel couples should go to weddings together. They’re traditional events. I’m his steady girlfriend, and the invitation surely intended to include me, right?

Why does he want to go alone? To party and get wasted with his buddies? Or is there an old girlfriend he wants to bump into?

Either way, I’m hurt and angry. I want to see what’s really going on. Short of crashing the wedding, what can I do?

— Shocked at Exclusion, Osborne Village

Dear Shocked: Maybe your guy doesn’t want you there counting his drinks and keeping him in line. He may want to get bombed with his old buddies and be up singing in a chorus line by the end of the night. Who cares about that kind of nonsense? You do, of course. Plus, it’s a real insult not to be included by him when it was likely intended for you to be invited.

It is somewhat suspicious. If you know the other girlfriends in this group, ask one you trust to keep an eye out for a special woman he might be going after at the wedding. If it’s a girlfriend he never got over, you need to hear about it.

Even if there is nobody he’s hoping to see, think twice about continuing with a guy who is capable of being so rude and insulting to his exclusive girlfriend.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I are from two different worlds. She’s from a conservative, traditional Chinese family. I come from a liberal eastern European family.

We are both the children of immigrants, but her parents have a harder time dealing with our relationship. Her siblings are fantastic, but the parents want nothing to do with me.

They speak English very well, but say rude things about me in Mandarin when I’m still in the room.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I love my girlfriend and her brothers and sisters, but how can I build a life with her if her parents reject me?

— Worried About Future, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Worried: Don’t get frustrated, get educated, and you can hopefully make this a better situation. Have you made any effort to learn Mandarin? The Manitoba Academy of Chinese Studies (manitobachinesestudies.com) offers Mandarin language courses for all ages on Saturdays at Grant Park High School. You can try the first class for free, and a full course over a number of months could very well be money well-spent if it’s the basis of a great relationship with your mate and her family.

You could keep on studying and increase the amount of Mandarin you use in daily life with your girlfriend, and she’ll feel your deep and genuine interest in who she is. It’s certain to mean a lot to her parents, as well, that you care about your girlfriend’s language and culture.

It will not be disrespected and lost, plus any grandchildren will also be blessed with a knowledge of Chinese culture if you’re their dad. This strategy could definitely break down some barriers.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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