Don’t cave in to hubby’s hard-luck sob stories

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This article was published 26/02/2024 (988 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband told our teenage children the reason I’ve kicked him out is that I’m a cold-hearted woman who doesn’t want to make love with him anymore, even though he has never stopped loving me. What a crock!

Then he told our kids I’m still the love of his life, even though I’m so mean to him. More lies.

He neglected to tell them he’s had other women on the side for years now — including his current girlfriend/drinking buddy.

I lost it and threw his stuff out on the curb last week and told him, “Go live with that witch!”

He did ask her to take him in, but I heard she wouldn’t go for it. She phoned me yesterday to say she had just broken off with him, and to tell me to come to get his stuff and “take the loser back.” (She sounded drunk.) I told her what she could do.

The worst, though? My loser ex has imposed himself on our oldest son this week, who’s now desperate to get his dad out of his basement before his unhappy housemates move out.

Our daughter — the baby of the family — doesn’t know the whole story and keeps saying, “How can you be so mean to Daddy?”

I can’t stand it any longer! This guy earns enough money to get his own small place, pay the bills and buy food. I always earned the main money around here — for the house, utilities, food and everything for the kids — but I’m still not a not a big earner on my own. The kids and I will be eating a lot of chili.

Please help me deal with this impossible mess, before I pull all my hair out!

— Not Mean, Just Worn Out, Fort Rouge

Dear Worn Out: Take a deep breath — there’s a road out of this burning forest! You and the kids can start to get back on your feet without supporting poor Daddy. You may be able to get the necessary legal help for a divorce at an affordable rate from experienced lawyers through Legal Aid Manitoba (legalaid.mb.ca). So read up about what they may be able to offer and connect to get some help, ASAP.

Inform your husband he has to pay rent, no matter where he goes, but stress that your place is definitely out of bounds.

You mention he has a job, so don’t buy into his big sob stories. Even if his girlfriend won’t let him move in with her, he’ll be able to afford a cheap room to stay in for the first month or two, until he figures something else out. However, he might have to cut back on his cocktail budget!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Recently, my girlfriend asked me, after we made love: “Am I your fantasy woman?” I told her “Absolutely!” I was lying my face off.

I have to fantasize about other women to make the necessary fireworks for an orgasm with her — and one of them is picturing the woman who lives next door. I used to watch her from our upstairs windows, sunbathing and diving into their pool. I still daydream about her a lot.

My girlfriend has lots of other fine qualities — a sunny nature, great cook, good sense of humour — but in a bathing suit and in bed, she’s a five-out-of-10.

Am I wrong to stay with her? I do love her, I think! I’m a funny guy, but not that good-looking myself, so who else can I get that’s better?

— Feeling Guilty, River Heights

Dear Feeling Guilty: No woman wants to be thought of as a “five-out-of-10,” in her man’s life. A woman with the personality and characteristics you described, might look very attractive to another guy with different tastes — if she had a chance to be single again. But if she stays with you, and you’re admittedly just ”making do,” she won’t.

You sticking around prevents her from being free and finding a guy who thinks she’s wonderful and sexy in her own way.

And think about this possibility: She might not find you as sexy as you think you are. In fact, she could be faking her orgasms with you, just to keep some intimacy during the cold winter months.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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