Ditch unfulfilling phone fling and seek real thing

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Well, it finally happened. After a divorce and two years of relative freedom, another compelling man has found me and is chasing me. He phones me and we sometimes talk for two hours, which is great because I’m a brainiac and I’m always thinking about things.

And yes, we do have phone sex. He’s really imaginative. I refuse to see him in person because he’s still married and often calls me from his car. He’s so sweet and funny and I think I’m falling in love with him, but he’s told me laughingly he’s just a phone cheater.

I have no one but him. What can I do?

— Spinning My Wheels, River Heights

Dear Spinning Wheels: It sounds like you’re feeling there’s no choice at the end of the day but to fill yourself with a warm phone call from this cheater, who finds you sweet and sexy. You need to replace this distanced affair with something much more fulfilling that can lift you out of your lonely situation.

These talks are just hot air on his end and his “feelings” may disappear very quickly after your evening calls are finished.

In fact, many like him have a list of people they can call or text to flirt with before they head home to their significant other.

So it’s definitely time to get off the phone with this guy who is not part of your real life, and will never fulfil your need for love, sex and the whole package.

I would recommend you do some research into local activities-based singles groups and consider joining.

You could also look into recreational or creative pursuits that interest you, or even explore opportunities to volunteer that could facilitate connections with passionate, like-minded people.

Visit volunteermanitoba.ca to find out about opportunities. Good luck in finding a real connection.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had no idea my wife was sneaking around and seeing a marriage counsellor — with her ex-husband. They actually did it for several months, and on my money, which I gave to her for personal counselling.

She has a ton of problems I found boring to listen to, so when I was finally away on a business trip, she moved herself and her kids back in with her ex.

I came home and all her stuff was gone from my house. When she finally took my furious phone call, she said self-righteously to leave her alone and that she and her ex-husband have now forgiven each other about their pasts. Was I supposed to congratulate them?

She says he’s a much better father than I am, and that he always has enough money for her and her kids’ needs. That means without her having to lift a finger. I expected her to work part time.

Now she says of her ex-husband, “He’s back to being the guy I married.” That talk makes me sick to my stomach. She’s just a sponger who doesn’t like to work beyond getting kids ready for school, picking them up and making Kraft dinner for supper. I just hate looking around at this house we shared. What now?

— Abandoned, Westwood

Dear Abandoned: It would be a good idea to get out of that house ASAP, as it hurts you to live there now.

It would also be smart to use some of the house sale profits to get personal counselling for yourself to reduce your hurt, disappointment, shock and anger — very tough emotions to deal with alone.

Your physician can suggest some good possibilities for you. A counsellor could help you make some sense out of what happened here and teach you what you need to learn about relationships so you can find a more suitable partner next time.

As for living in your family home with your family gone — don’t.

Consider buying a condo where there are other residents around who you can get acquainted with at a pool or fitness centre.

That way you’ll meet new people more quickly, and not feel so lonely after this breakup.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.