Reject roadie role, stick to your own tune

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is a great singer and guitar player, but now she’s gotten in with some male musicians to form a band for playing bars. I’m a drummer, but a terrible one. They found themselves a great one a couple weeks ago, so I’ve been pushed out.

My girl could see I was feeling jealous of her continued band action, so she told me I should still come out to help schlep the equipment to and from the gig. That’s just not happening — I won’t be their lowly roadie to boss around!

So, now what happens to her and I? Let me guess — we break up, and what do you know? The singer guy sees his chance and makes a big play for her. She is a beautiful, talented woman. Help!

— Feeling Anxious, Osborne Village

Dear Feeling Anxious: I can’t blame you for not wanting to be a roadie — hard work, bad pay, and doesn’t impress princesses. But before you give up on your relationship with this woman too fast, be aware that if your lady outshines the lead singer, she will move onwards and upwards as quickly as she can, without him!

Your love relationship with her has to be based on many things aside from her adventure singing with a band. That means spending time on your own sport pursuits, creative hobbies, education and other training for work. If this young woman is serious about you, that is what will impress her — not you being a lowly part of her band experience.

Your role is to support her in the audience when she has important gigs and boosting her enthusiastically in her new musical adventure.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I have always “gone south” for the winter since we both retired, but this year I don’t have the stomach for it! My wife doesn’t pay any attention to politics, so she isn’t nearly as incensed by what’s going on in the U.S. as I am.

After thinking about it, I suggested we go to Spain or Portugal for a winter holiday instead. Money is not an issue for us. I told her we’d meet other Canadian retirees and make new friends there, but, she started to cry and said, “Go by yourself! I’m still going down to Texas to see my winter friends.” Now what?

— Miserable Husband, Winnipeg

Dear Miserable: The warm southern U.S. holiday has nothing to do with politics for your wife, as you know. It’s about friendships she wants to renew and bone-chilling cold she wants to avoid here in Canada.

Can you blame her for wanting to see her snowbird friends again? They’ll be sitting in the shade of their beach umbrellas, enjoying the warm weather, having dinner parties and swimming in cool pools, or even the ocean. For her, it beats Canada in a deep freeze — and no doubt, it does for you, too!

How about trying a half-and-half winter vacation with a couple of weeks in Spain or Portugal — at popular spots for Canadian snowbirds. Then fly back to North America to see your other friends in the snowbird location she already loves. It could become a habit if it works out well!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is now dead and gone, and quite recently. I’m fine with it, ultimately, because he really suffered at the end. It’s somewhat of a relief for the whole family.

I just don’t know how to explain this to people who see me happily selling our family home and going out to socialize and have some fun. The last five or six years were very difficult for everybody, and I need to let my hair down now.

I truly hope my husband is up there in heaven with his strength back, square dancing to his heart’s content. That’s what he loved to do!

My problem is It’s hard to square dance without a partner, so I just dropped out after he died. But now this guy who always seemed to like me at dancing has started asking me out to square dance get-togethers. I don’t want to turn him down, but I think others will see it as too early for me to show up dancing with him and judge me harshly. What do you suggest?

— Miss the Dancing, southeastern Manitoba

Dear Miss the Dancing: Make a deal with this man that in a few months you’ll enjoy going to dance classes, parties and competitions with him, but not just yet! It would look bad to people who liked and respected your husband.

If you sense he really wants a more serious relationship with you than you’re up for, tell him that, and hopefully he will understand. If not, he’ll walk away knowing the score, and look for someone else who attracts him and loves to square dance.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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