Hush up about hopeless crush and step up

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Being stuck in the hot city while my wife and kids were enjoying the lake made me feel so alone. I felt sorry for myself. I thought I deserved some kind of reward, and it showed up in the shape of a new woman joining our office last month.

What a character. She was assigned to my department and was so full of new ideas — an injection of pure energy. She’s not beautiful, but her amazing smile lights me up. I’ve had a crush on her since Day 1.

Although I’m older than her and married, I’m alive and sexual.

But when we finally got to talking about sex last week, this woman dropped a big bombshell. She told me she’s bisexual and has a female partner coming to Winnipeg to live with her. What a shock.

Well, I guess that’s kind of good because now my marriage isn’t in danger. But it’s also bad because this woman is still so sexy. She said she could see I was attracted to her right off the top. She apologized for not telling me earlier about her partner.

So, what now? An emotional crash for me?

— Emotional Roller-Coaster, Elmwood

Dear Roller-Coaster: Now you know there’s no chance for a personal relationship with the new hire, just shrug your shoulders, relax and hopefully enjoy summertime with people who do love you and want you — such as your wife and children.

There’s still time to head out to the beach and get re-acquainted with your family, especially if you’ve only been half there this summer. The kids will be thrilled to have you there to do things with them, and your wife may be missing you, too.

As for your almost-affair, you now know there’s nothing doing with that woman. The crush was not meant to be anything big except a warning you were dangerously close to risking your marriage. It’s time to work on improving your relationship with your wife.

To that end, try to think back to when you loved her so much you wanted to marry her. What has been missing in recent times, other than wholehearted lovemaking?

Happily, that kind of sex often comes back with lighter and happier feelings between you two.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have my own successful little business selling one-of-a-kind sexy products, so I rewarded myself with a month of summer holiday time at a beach and spent some of my savings. I stayed up at the lake way longer than I should have.

The problem now is I’m back home in the city and I really don’t want to work anymore. I just want to lie around in bed and remember the good times in the sand dunes with the sweet man I met in the beach town near the cabin I was staying at. I think I fell in love with him, which is always dangerous.

Businesses are calling me with orders, and I just lie there in bed half-listening, and taking messages.

How can I get myself out of this rut? I realize I could risk the business I worked so hard to cultivate, but I hardly care.

My new lover keeps calling me to come back to where he lives. He has a great job until the end of September out there, then will come back to Winnipeg.

I feel a strong desire to be with him, but I can’t afford to go anywhere at all now. I have to get back to work. What should I do?

— Derailed by Romance, St. Boniface

Dear Love Energy: Your own safest move is to opt for real independence now.

Get back to working hard Monday to Friday, and then drive up to be with your man for weekends until the end of September when his job ends.

If your money-making biz goes down the drain and you’re in serious financial trouble, it’s likely your beach honey will feel distressed too. If he’s a sensitive guy, he’ll really care about you not losing your business because of him.

You also need to ask him many important questions, ASAP.

Is this beach fling going to carry on when you’re both back in the city? Use this time to sort out where things will go once it gets cold.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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