Snubbing wife’s desire for ‘sexercise’ not good sign

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: With my encouragement, my chubby wife lost 45 pounds over the winter and spring. She also joined an all-female running group.

Last night she had the nerve to tell me she needs more sex as part of her physical rejuvenation. That turns me off somewhat — like I’m one of her exercise machines.

But if I don’t join her in her “more sex” campaign, would she be hurt and depressed and then gain back all the weight? She’s become really attractive-looking again, like she looked before she had our kids. She could actually probably get another guy if she tried.

If I knew she would become so sexual and demanding, I wouldn’t have bugged her to take the weight off. I was complaining about this to a friend I golf with, who is on his second wife and knows everything about cheating.

He said that unlike a guy, a woman will warn you several times before she cheats. So now I’m getting nervous. Were her bids for more sex really hints that she’s looking around for a new guy to enjoy her body and renewed sex drive?

— Annoyed Husband, St. Norbert

Dear Annoyed: It doesn’t sound like sex with your wife — no matter what shape she’s in — is an attractive thought for you. This is the time to see a relationship counsellor, together and individually, to see how you can work things out and hopefully lose the negative feelings that have arisen over the years.

If not, you two may have reached the end of the road. Perhaps you’ll want to look for new love with someone else. This relationship seems to have fizzled for you and may not spark up again, no matter what you two look like physically.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There has never been another person on this Earth to match my first love, and now I hear she and her husband have finally broken up.

I called her up at her work (I’ve always kept up with her life) and she told me to get over my excitement.

She said was not free, as she already has another guy, and told me I was an annoyance as usual.

Who can blame me?

Guys would jokingly ask me how to get on the waiting list for this woman. At 37 she is still absolutely amazing.

Now how do I find another woman like her, or will I search all my life in vain?

—Stuck on Her, East Kildonan

Dear Stuck On Her: Whatever you do, don’t call this first love again. It sounds like she’s at the end of her patience with you and could soon block you.

What you can do is look for a woman who is a bit like her. But be aware that you’ll lose that woman if you ever mention the similarity to your ex. In relationships, people want to feel special, not like a copy of somebody else their mate wanted, but couldn’t get back.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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