Deceit puts you between rock and a hard place

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/12/2025 (235 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The holidays are approaching and I promised my boyfriend I’d give him an answer as to whether I’m willing to get engaged to him on Christmas Day in front of the parents at dinner. He wants to give me this amazing engagement ring he has priced out, and he’s shown me a picture. It’s a gorgeous sparkly rock anyone else would love, but I don’t want it.

I really do love my boyfriend and would like to have a child with him, but I can’t make a commitment. Why? Because I’m bisexual and have a longtime girlfriend hidden away. It hurts her that I also see this man. It would break her heart even more if I married him!

I do love her more than him, but she can’t give me the children I want so desperately. I’m almost 30 already. Please help me decide what to do ASAP.

— Torn Between Two Loves, Osborne Village

Dear Torn: If you have a child with the man in your life and continue seeing this woman behind his back, he will find out one day, and it will do serious damage to your relationship, if not destroy it.

It’s certainly not a fling or a little sexual experiment, is it?

Some men don’t take a woman-to-woman relationship seriously and may feel it’s OK with them if you have a woman on the side. However, the depth of your feelings for your woman will likely be written all over your face if you end up having to fess up to your man.

You really do need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend — prior to any formal engagement. It’s clear you’re already feeling the strain from living this double life (as is your girlfriend), and continuing it into wedlock would only make things more difficult.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend wants a weird Christmas present — gift cards to visit three top psychics, so she can compare their readings. I told her she was playing games with people, and I wouldn’t be subsidizing her for these sneaky experiments. She says people believe these psychics, and they need to be warned.

I told her I’d buy her some tarot cards if she wanted to play around with them — and I did. Now she won’t leave them alone. I don’t know what to make of this woman. Please explain her brain to me.

— Puzzled, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Puzzled: There seems to be a measure of fascination involved with your girlfriend’s desire to compare and contrast these three psychics’ findings. This is likely because it’s not just a casual interest for her. Deep down she may want to play this “psychic” role in other people’s lives — especially as you say she seems somewhat obsessed with the tarot cards you gave her.

The fact the two of you seem to have divergent views on this practice may prove contentious in your relationship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m very proud of my body after years of working out, and I’m happy to be a private male nude model for a few artists I respect. One of them is a woman and she’s showing a lot of interest in me, and not just in her work.

How do I tell her I want to continue modelling for her, but I don’t want her romantically? I don’t have anyone in my life right now to blame this on. I’m alone, but not so alone I want her involved in my private life. Please give me some words to use.

— Uncomfortable Model, Exchange District

Dear Uncomfortable Model: If you want to keep this gig and the money it brings in, make it clear to this artist you’re modelling professionally, not as a means of meeting people to date.

She’ll get the message and she might say goodbye to you, but that could be fine and dandy for you in the long run.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography