Time to fortify yourself, both inside and out

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/03/2025 (521 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spent a weekend holed up with my new girlfriend — not because we wanted the privacy, but because her violent ex-husband just moved back to her town to be closer to his kids. Suddenly, he’s living down the block from her in a town in southern Manitoba. I live in Winnipeg and drive out.

Last night after we had sex, she said apologetically that her ex-husband had found out from her kids about me staying overnight at her house. Then, she dropped the biggest bomb. Her ex told their kids earlier that me and my new car could be in big trouble.

I was horrified, so at 2 a.m. we put on our jackets and parked my car in her garage and left her car outside. Then she took me back to bed, but I didn’t sleep.

I’m a small guy and her ex-husband is a huge dude who could pound me into the ground. I kept imagining him wanting to wreck my car. By morning, I didn’t feel much attracted to this woman anymore, either. So, I woke her up and gave her the goodbye talk. I told her I was getting in my car and going back to my place in the city, for good.

She got really quiet. Then she said, “I don’t need a coward like you for a boyfriend, so you’re welcome to get the heck out of my life.” I did that in a hurry.

But now this annoying woman keeps phoning and phoning and I’m having to block her calls. What should I do?

— Trying to Escape, Winnipeg

Dear Trying to Escape: When you break up with a person who has a violent ex-mate with a grudge against you, your best move is to get out of “his” territory. So you’ve done that and you’re not coming back. But the trouble may not be over, even though you’re in the city. If he threatens to be violent and trash your car, talk to a lawyer about getting a protection order, so he learns he can’t beat you up or trash your vehicle and get away with it.

You’ll have a little extra personal time now that you’re not dating this woman anymore. Use it to do some personal work. Consider taking a late-winter break from dating. Instead of worrying about feeling small, use the extra time to eat well, get yourself in shape at a gym, learn some self-defence moves and maybe do some boxing. It will improve your self-image.

You might also see a psychologist, so you don’t repeat this situation. Some people never get help after breakups and end up in similar situations over and over again. In your case, you tried to win over a woman with a big, tough ex. Did it make you feel bigger? Not at all.

It will be easier (and more fun) to build yourself up at a gym, feel proud and strong and be able to move on from there.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in my 30s and ran away from my life in Manitoba to travel. I’ve already spent 20 per cent of my considerable life savings on a three-year trip that covered a whole continent, though not North America.

Now that I’m back home, I can’t go after regular jobs here with any enthusiasm. I really miss the travelling. I no longer have a ton of money to do it and will soon need a job.

I’m single, adventurous, science-minded and good with the gab. I know I would enjoy being a travel guide, but everything’s getting politically difficult right now. Any suggestions for me to get myself prepared for a travel-type job I’d love?

— Travel Guy, Winnipeg

Dear Travel Guy: Canadians have been falling deeply in love with their country lately due to the political situation in the world. Developing new cross-country, exciting Canadian adventure trips and getting the guiding experience necessary to make those trips fun and appealing would be a super job for a travel-loving person like yourself.

Example? One of the best-known Canadian adventure trips is going to see the northern lights. Glamour camping (“glamping”) in tent-like structures with comfortable heating is one of the many beautiful ways to watch the multi-coloured northern lights soaring in the sky.

To prepare yourself for a business based on amazing Canadian travel adventures such as this, use some of the travel money you have left to explore lesser-known but world-class adventures in the country.

Also ask other people invested in the Canadian tourist industry to help you make a complete list of over-the-top places and activities of all kinds, and try to experience them all, with helpers.

The end game is to make yourself into an extremely experienced Canadian guide and write a fantastic book about domestic travel adventures, shooting for world-wide distribution. How about that for a job that suits you?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography