Why scare up strife with ex over kids’ costumes?

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This article was published 17/10/2024 (699 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I recently broke up with my husband — a religious, handsome, very dominant guy. The bad news? He still thinks he’s in power in this family. In fact, he’s still even trying to kill the Halloween trick-or-treating fun for our two young boys!

Last year, when he took them out in embarrassing choirboy costumes, they came home crying because, “Dad was saying bad things about the other kids in their scary costumes and masks,“ and “Dad was talking mean about kids going door-to-door begging for candy as if their parents couldn’t feed them enough.“ My youngest was in tears.

How do I, as a newly-divorced parent, avoid the negativity of my ex-husband’s behaviour at Halloween?

I’m a bit hopeful because my ex will be out of the country on a business trip the week of Halloween week. I’ve already bought costumes for my boys — the scary ones they really wanted this year — and it’s a surprise for them. We’re going trick-or-treating with my neighbour and her kids. We just met them and they’re lovely.

But how do I handle the biggest troll of them all? If he phones the kids and tries to spoil their excitement, what should I do?

— Worried Mom, West Kildonan

Dear Halloween Mama: Kids cannot be successfully sworn to keep secrets. When they have a big secret to keep, they’re just bursting to tell it to someone. Your first move is to only reveal the details of the costumes to your boys after their dad leaves on his trip.

If he phones while you’re trick-or-treating and asks how the kids’ Halloween is going, just say “Great! Sorry, I have to go!“ If he phones again (and he probably will), just give him a bland, “We’re having an OK time, I guess. Nothing special to report.“ He’ll be disappointed with nothing to critique. Then change the subject of conversation back to his trip for a short minute before saying “We gotta go now. Bye!“

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel like a pirate. I have a hidden pot of gold — my golden trunk of loonies in the basement.

My mom encouraged me to make a stash when I was about 14. It’s actually in a handmade pirate’s chest and has moved with me everywhere I go. Then I started a pot of toonies and now it’s grown to multiple hoards.

If I put it in my bank account, I’d spend it just like any other money. Am I stupid to stash away money like this? It keeps me chuckling like an old swashbuckler when I think of it down in the dark old basement.

— Pirate Pete, St. Vital

Dear Pirate Pete: It doesn’t hurt anybody to have a harmless secret in their lives that makes them suddenly smile. Lots of people have treasure of some kind — particularly collectors. From antique cars to jewelry to glamorous clothes from another era.

If it makes them feel “rich” or gives them a lift to think about, then it’s a precious mood enhancer — a secret source of security having something of value. Lots of folks think about their collections when they’re trying to escape reality in a difficult situation.

So, enjoy your caches in the “pirate” chests buried under junk in the basement, or wherever you keep it. Let them give you a lift and a feeling of security when you need it. People who take out their pots of gold and count them and cash them in at the bank are often disappointed after they do so, because the money loses its “untold treasure“ feeling.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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