You feel pull of a special place, so give it a try

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 05/10/2024 (729 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I left my heart in San Francisco, and I’m not joking. The minute I arrived there this summer — my first visit — I felt like I’d finally come home. Everything looked familiar, especially near the ocean. I swear I’ve lived there before.

I actually knew what was coming around corners, and could predict what I’d see next. I fell instantly in love with the city.

I want to live there so badly now I can taste it, see it, feel it and smell the ocean! But I can’t go, as my work and my whole family are here in Canada.

What do you do when you discover another place that feels like it was once yours? It’s unreal! I feel such a strong magnetic pull towards it. Did I really live there in a past life?

— Perfect Place, Winnipeg

Dear Perfect Place: Some people encounter a startling familiarity when they travel to a certain new place. They may feel like they lived there once upon a time, but it may actually be down to a strong yearning to live in such a place, and being so familiar with scenes from travel books or websites that it seems you’ve already visited.

You might be feeling “This is my ideal, exactly what I want.”

It’s like human love. Sometimes new lovers say, “I feel like I’ve known you all my life.” Why? Because the object of their affection embodies so much of what they want and they feel totally familiar.

Rather than trying to fight it or deny what you feel, fully embrace this experience. If this is your Shangri-La, be glad you’ve found it.

Consider making San Francisco your home away from home — a place you always go on holidays, and where you might buy a little place one day. Perhaps you can even work remotely from there for a limited time, and see if you like it.

If you really have to stay in Canada for your work, then consider saving up and planning to retire early to live in San Francisco one day.

Here’s something else to consider: It could also just be your emotions alerting you that your situation at home is all wrong and needs to be changed. Your mind may be telling you, “Look at this new scenario. Something like this would be perfect for you!”

These are exactly like the words people say to themselves when they find a new love — human or otherwise.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a guy and I accidentally hurt my boyfriend recently; he says the damage is “permanent,” and we are finished for good! This just can’t happen, because he’s the only person I love.

Here’s what happened: I got drunk and stoned at this big end-of-summer lake party with all our friends and I accidentally had sex with another guy. Yes, I cheated, and my partner didn’t, and he found out. Now he says it’s over between us.

That doesn’t work for me! He’s the person I love and want to be with for the rest of my life.

What can I do to make this right again? How do I make it up to him and convince him this type of slip will never happen again?

I just had this crazy thought: If he won’t go for my apology, and then he has sex with someone else, and my love is so strong that his cheating means nothing to me, isn’t it possible he’ll finally “get over it” and feel the same way I do?

— Hoping Against Hope, Osborne Village

Dear Hoping: You were able to cheat on this boyfriend and still love him. Why? The insult and pain (think of it as a hard slap across the face) was not dealt out to your mug.

Now try to imagine your boyfriend in full detail, cheating with someone new. Let yourself feel that pain, and see if it helps you finally understand what has happened between you.

If you can’t feel that hurt, it could be because your experience and beliefs regarding love and sexual behaviour are just too different.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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