Holiday humbug devoid of common kindness

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This article was published 01/10/2024 (731 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m considering breaking up with my boyfriend before Halloween — a celebration he totally disapproves of. That’s not all he doesn’t like. There’s Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter, even birthdays. He hates “having” to buy gifts. He says he’ll give gifts only if and when he wants to. I must admit he’s generous when he finally does, but it isn’t very often and he has made me cry.

At work, I look around and see other people getting gifts and celebrating with the partner in their lives on all the regular occasions. What is my life if I can’t celebrate all the special days and events like everybody else? Am I being petty about this?

My boyfriend is quite good to me when he wants to be, and he thinks I should be grateful for those crumbs. I didn’t get much as a kid, but I’d still like what everybody else gets.

— Special-Day Letdown, Westwood

Dear Letdown: You’re not an animal who wags its tail in gratitude for the treats someone decides to dole out. You’re a human being and it’s time you parted company with this miserly type.

It’s high time to take a long look in the mirror and say to yourself, “Hello! I love you and from now on I’ll limit the people I allow in my life to the generous ones.” You might need help to start doing that, so consider talking to a psychologist about your experience.

You need to learn how you can sort the miserly guys you may meet from the generous and loving ones. It may take more than a few sessions and could be expensive, but many workplaces offer health-insurance coverage for employees that may pay for all, or part, of counselling sessions, so be sure to inquire.

Free yourself from this cheapskate now, and look for a generous and loving guy. Then happily enjoy every holiday and cause for celebration that comes up, just like most people do.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel like destiny is trying to play a part in my life these days. Every morning I leave my downtown high-rise apartment at 8:45 a.m. to get to my job down the street for 9 a.m. I get on the elevator and push the main-floor button, and three floors down from me the elevator always stops to pick up the same cute guy with a brown briefcase.

We have started smirking about it, but no one has said anything like, “Oh, you again!” We’re both a little shy so we ride in silence, looking up at the changing floor numbers. Then we both mutter something like, “Have a nice day,” and take off in different directions down the street. What should I do about this? I want to break the ice somehow.

— Curious and Amused, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Amused: Since you’re both keeping to the exact same schedule which brings you together every morning, it’s time to go wild and offer up your first name. Smile and say, “Hi! I’m so-and-so. it looks like we both work around here and have to get there by 9 a.m. Am I right?”

If that gets more than a nod, have a two-minute elevator chat about the block you both live in, and then say, “Have a great day!” and be off. Then you’ve finally broken the ice and can at least chit-chat in the elevator, instead of staring at the numbers and regretting not doing so.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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