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This article was published 21/08/2024 (799 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Guess who was at the bar tossing back shooters with her girlfriends after my football practice? My underage sister. I snuck up behind her and said in a deep voice: “Can I take a look at your ID, little girl?” She looked up at me and gasped.

I could see she was bleary-eyed and very drunk. I pointed to the empty shooter glasses and asked how she got into the bar and who bought her the shooters, but she wouldn’t say anything.

I told her I was taking her home. She looked mortified, but left with me, stumbling, and wouldn’t say a word on the drive home.

I kept firing questions at her in the car, and she finally said, “What’s your problem? You were young once.”

When we pulled into the driveway, she begged me not to tell our parents and promised she wouldn’t go back to the bar. I relented because our parents were coming home in two days.

But the next week our parents headed back out to the lake and my sister came home drunk again. All hell broke loose and now we’re barely speaking.

What should I do next? If I rat her out to our parents, she’ll lose the last shreds of her trust in me. We used to be very close growing up and I’m seriously worried about her. She’s stupid, immature and loves to drink. She could get hit on by some random guy, taken out and beaten up or even raped. Please help me figure out how to handle her.

— “Mean” Big Brother, Westwood

Dear “Mean” Brother: Your parents need to know their daughter is getting drunk and putting herself in danger at the bar. Tell them there’s no way you can control her and keep her safe when they’re away. If nothing is said or done, she’ll continue drinking hard with her foolish buddies and will be a sitting duck for creeps on the prowl.

Say you’ve tried to control her, but you simply can’t. Be firm. They need to know what’s been going on so they can keep their daughter with them when they go to the lake, or else stay home and keep a watchful eye on her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been with my boyfriend for nine years, and have wanted to get married for a long time. Marriage has become very important to me — but for reasons I can’t figure out, getting hitched is a joke to my man.

He’s not a bad guy, just thick-headed, as in stone stupid. We have an expensive house together and he is always saying our half-million-dollar home should be more than enough to prove his commitment to me.

But that’s not everything to me.

A nice house is a place to live, but not a symbol of our everlasting love. He just doesn’t get it. Help.

— Fingers Still Ringless, East St. Paul

Dear Ringless: You and your man speak two totally different love languages, so translate for him. Start by telling him what the wedding rings, the service and the vows mean to you. Then, be quiet and really listen to him. Let him tell you what the house means to him. It may be a symbol of his love and commitment to you and your relationship.

Recognize that and thank him for it, but also explain to him what’s needed additionally — spoken vows in front of friends and relations. With any luck he’ll really hear your vulnerable heart speaking.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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