No need to follow sister’s lead on nuptial drama

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This article was published 01/08/2024 (793 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My older sister has just walked down the aisle as a bride for a third time in Las Vegas. (This makes it one wedding in Manitoba and two in Sin City.) She’s 41 years old now. I refused to fly down there to be her bridesmaid.

I told her to just get me a copy of the video and I would add it to my collection. And she wonders why I have never gotten married?

She’s made a joke of the marriage institution with her $5,000 white wedding in Canada, and her divorce. Let’s not forget the two little Vegas weddings in full over-the-top white dresses.

So how did she have the gall to turn around this week and get after me to marry the guy I’ve been living with for five years, when her weddings are nothing more than costume shows? I said, “What does marriage mean to a woman like you? Your husbands don’t last — you’ve proved that.”

Then she said, “Neither do the guys you live with, so you might as well have the fun of a wedding.”

Does she possibly have a point?

— Sad Thinking, St. James

Dear Thinking: Your older sister loves the excitement of a drama — a white wedding where she feels she’s a Hollywood vision coming down the aisle to her leading man. She’s aware a Vegas wedding is as close to being a Hollywood star as she’s going to get, so she relishes every moment of the drama.

Let her have that without being mad at her. And try not to take her pronouncements about your love life too seriously.

She may just want you to taste some of the fun she’s been having with this crazy wedding hobby of hers. Learn to laugh with affection when your sister is getting great enjoyment out of her theatrics and let it go.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a friend who refuses to wear a bike helmet, and for years now we’ve just agreed to disagree. I told her it’s her life, so if she wants to risk it, who am I to say anything?

But our daughters are finally old enough to ride bikes without training wheels. My friend recently wanted to get together for a little bike trip around the neighbourhood. I’m a firm believer in leading by example, so imagine my horror when my friend shows up without a helmet in front of the children.

I bit my tongue, but we had words via text in front of the kids, and I can tell you she was not impressed with me.

I said, “The only reason to not wear a helmet is that you’re concerned about how you look, and I can’t imagine why you would want to look cool around two girls and their middle-aged mothers.”

It still makes no sense to me. I don’t like sowing the seeds for our children to grow up thinking that helmets are just for kids, which will ultimately encourage them to stop wearing them when they grow up.

The children had a good time, and are already asking when we can go again.

I’m not going to cancel the whole thing, but I need to get my friend to stop worrying about her cool appearance, and to set a safe example for the kids. Help.

— Cautious Mom, North Kildonan

Dear Cautious Mom: Put your foot down, and say this: “If one member of our bike riding group doesn’t protect her noggin’ it affects us all — particularly if an accident happens. So my daughter and I will only come if you will also wear a helmet.”

If she backs out of the bike-riding date, so be it. But then show your daughter quickly you can find a better, safer riding group, which is equally fun. She’ll learn from you how to say no to an unsafe situation and to replace it with a better option.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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