Don’t hide from neighbours after hot-tub humbling

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/07/2024 (448 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was woken up in the middle of the night to a weird sound. I went to check on it — and it was my new neighbours in their hot tub, fooling around! I just couldn’t help myself and peeked out.

Then it happened: they noticed me watching them and motioned for me to come over! I ducked behind my curtain feeling so embarrassed — and then I flopped onto the bed and hid my head under a pillow.

I have no idea how to approach them about the incident. I’m not into threesomes or anything like that, and I don’t want any problems with my new neighbours. Should I just pretend like nothing happened?

— Drowning in Embarrassment, Silver Heights

Dear Drowning: The new neighbours are probably still enjoying the memory of catching you peeping! There won’t be any problems, because they flipped things around, so they were in control of the situation. So, relax and wave back if they wave at you, and smile in a friendly way. If they ask you to come over to play, you just say, “I’m not as brave as you may have thought, but thanks for the invitation, and do have fun!”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife got drunk at a party we had at the lake, and afterwards we had some very uninhibited sex. She was so relaxed she muttered, she “hadn’t had an orgasm in months!” I contradicted her and told her I definitely remembered a number of times she almost woke up the household with her excitement.

Then she said, “Oh that was just to get you going — and get it over with, ha!” I wasn’t laughing then, and I’m not laughing now. Believe me, if we were still just dating and didn’t have a marriage and kids, I would have said, “Well then, since everything has been phoney on your side, and some kind of joke, I’m out of here!”

But I can’t do that. There are kids and debts and responsibilities that need carrying out by the adults who created them. It’s just that I feel so used and tricked and possibility laughed at for being fooled into thinking this marriage and family were real.

Now what does a man do when he finds out his married life has been a bad joke? How do you make love to someone, when you can’t trust it being real anymore?

— Hurting, Embarrassed, Winnipeg

Dear Hurting: The first question to ask yourself before you invest in counselling is this one: “Do I actually want this marriage enough to fix it?” Possibly your wife threw that cruel statement in your face because she’s ready to split.

More likely, it was bravado and the alcohol talking.

You’ve lost trust — especially sexually — at least for now. One thing is certain — you need strong counselling with a referee situation. You’d possibly do best with a counselling couple who work together, for the male-female balance.

It may be hard to trust your wife again as she was so convincing, putting on that big show to get sex over with. Now you need to find out if that was true or was it just bravado and the liquor talking?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What am I going to do? I ran into an old high school friend I had the biggest crush on, while at a mall. We were both on our own and free, and a little bit lonely, so we decided to go for a quick dinner and drinks. Quite a few drinks!

One thing led to another and we went to his apartment made the most passionate love I have ever had! I can’t think about anything else but our night together. Problem is, I haven’t heard from him and it’s been just over a week. I feel confused and used! Should I message him?

— Loved and Left, St. James

Dear Loved and Left: First you need to rename what you enjoyed together with this old high school friend. It was fun and intense, but it should not be labelled “making the most passionate love” in your mind and your memory. It was probably also a lot of fun for him, and maybe even a fantasy fulfilment, but not something more.

Don’t be angry with him, or with yourself. Just tell yourself it’s a sign from the universe that life goes on and that you will find a new “real love” someday, where you can incorporate this kind of amazing sex long-term.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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