Simple cosy comfort can help ease troubled mind

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This article was published 26/06/2024 (774 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m tossing and turning every night until sun-up. Then I feel safer and sleep for a few hours. My problem is my husband of 22 years just left me for another woman — a widow who’s older than he is.

She has a small family, unlike my mob. Plus, she’s quite beautiful, although I hate admitting that.

But let me make one snarky remark: she has all the beauty add-ons money can buy, including the two on her chest.

I was the eldest daughter in my large family and always had responsibilities. After our parents died, I inherited the running of the family. I’m a professional in a legal field, so people tend to grant me power and listen to me, but now I feel low and powerless.

I know I need more sleep to keep going, but I don’t want to resort to medication that may leave me feeling groggy and which I could end up dependent on. Please help.

— Tied in Terrible Knots, Bridgwater

Dear Tied in Knots: Aside from a yoga class to help you breathe and relax and counselling to untie your painful psychological knots, I have a third unusual tip. It may sound goofy at first, but it really works for people who are open to it.

It’s the adult comfort blanket — big enough to make people feel safe, warm, comfortable and loved. You might want one that covers shoulders to waist, and another big one for top to toe.

There are reasonably priced options for a polyester comfort blankets with a short pile that’s velvety to the touch — and they can go in the washer.

They don’t have to be hidden from company. You can keep two or three colourful ones rolled up on beds, chairs, sofas and porch furniture. Also, you can stow blankets in a trunk and pull them out for family and friends on movie nights.

Give them a try for your anxiety, as they often work surprisingly well.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a short lesbian dalliance when I was in my 20s. It was very exciting and I still dream of it sometimes. But then my girlfriend moved away for an exciting job.

The next attractive person I met was a man and I fell deeply in love with him, as he did with me. It was family time. We had three kids in short order and it was great, or so I thought, while the kids were growing up.

Then it came to light two weeks ago that my husband had an affair going on for the last year with a woman. He says he realizes he wants to be with her now that our kids are gone. He confessed all this to me, through his tears — and had the incredible nerve to expect my sympathy.

He said, “I know you’ve always said you loved me so much you wanted what was best for me.” So that idea makes me superfluous now?

I just stared at him, when what I really wanted to do was slap him upside the head. What now?

— Totally Lost and Angry, central Manitoba

Dear Totally Lost and Angry: When someone tells you they have another love and they’re moving on, you may try to hold onto them at first, but when emotions inevitably start to flare up, you may say foolish things you later wish you had never said. So it’s time to back off — way off.

You can still regain your self-regard, restyle your life situation and come out a winner, but you’ll have to let go of this man who has already moved on. The less contact you have with him the better as you learn to restructure your life.

Do not make the mistake of pumping your children for information about dad and his new woman and new life.

It’s time to set your sights forward and ask yourself what you want to do with the rest of your working and social life, realizing this man was a very important stage in it — but just that — one stage.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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