Just be your genuine self with new neighbour

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/06/2024 (793 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Yesterday I saw moving trucks taking away multiple boxes of my neighbour’s stuff, from their sold house across the street. Within eight hours, a big new truck came and half a dozen cars pulled up, full of guys and a few ladies. Great news! The new owner had a pile of friends moving him in to the “only house with a pool” on our cul de sac. And here I thought this was going to a boring summer!

One of the other single women who lives near me phoned to come over and watch. We sat on her porch and opened a bottle of sparkling wine and toasted the handsome new addition to the neighbourhood. The new homeowner had a little pool party for his mover friends that evening — with lots of people laughing and having a good time.

So here’s the problem: How friendly can we be as single neighbours, without looking pushy and aggressive? We saw another friend on this street, who’s safely married, going right over that night to welcome our new neighbour. She told us later he’s recently divorced, has no kids, is into sports and has a great job.

I hung back because I’m a bit more shy, but I wanted to meet him too! So what should I do?

— Shy Neighbour, St. Vital

Dear Shy Neighbour: You have a new neighbour who knows just about nobody on the street at this point, so be friendly. Don’t act like you’re afraid you’re bothering him. Knock on his door today and say, “Welcome to the street!”

Tell him you’re glad to have him in the neighbourhood, then don’t just stand there. Enlist him to help with something that’s going on this summer — like a neighbourhood garage sale or collecting sports equipment for a kids’ charity — something that requires group interactions to get the project going well.

That’s how you can make friends without the awkwardness of appearing as if you’re looking for a welcoming pool or some romance. Down the line, something like that might happen naturally, but more than likely you’ll just be friends.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dumb husband and I rented a big cabin for the whole month of July on one of my favourite lakes, and it’s beautiful, romantic and gorgeous in the moonlight. I thought we’d have a second-honeymoon kind of holiday, which our marriage really needs, as the sex has dwindled to almost nothing.

I can’t believe what has now happened! My husband announced yesterday he has invited his best hockey team buddies to “come on down” and stay for some overnights with us, and bring their girlfriends if they wish.

I’m livid! I don’t want to cook for and entertain the guys and their girlfriends! This was supposed to be a romantic holiday to save our marriage. Now these stupid invitations have been issued, how can we possibly take them back?

— Unwilling Hostess, Fort Garry

Dear Unwilling: You must change this situation ASAP or you might split up this summer. So, tell your husband you will not be hosting the hockey team and their women at your rental cabin, but you might agree to take a break for a few days in the city while the guys from the team come down for a weekend with him.

Those guys and their girlfriends have probably been wondering why you would have agreed to host them all at your cabin rental. Their ladies probably wouldn’t dream of taking on all that work when on a holiday together with their mates.

Another thing you and your husband might do this summer is some couples counselling. Your relationship has sprung some serious leaks. It needs help and attention with a referee/counsellor professional involved or it probably won’t last to September.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography