Ease the kids into their folks’ new romantic realities

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This article was published 01/05/2024 (867 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My two teenage sons want to move in with me — their divorced dad. I don’t want them here, and I told them so. Now they’re talking like I don’t love them!

That’s not true, but I do love my exciting new situation.

Their old dad is dating again and has finally gotten himself a sex life! Believe me, I don’t want those boys sitting in front of the TV at my place when I bring a new woman home.

I know they’re still living in a dream world and thinking there’s hope their mother and I will get back together again “because we don’t fight.” What they don’t realize is their mother is bisexual, and can hardly wait to be free to be with her long-time love.

Now I’m free, I actually wish her the best. She’s a good person, and she’s been drifting closer to the full-time woman thing as she gets older. I think she and her new mate will marry.

So how much do we tell the kids, who are almost finished high school and going off to out-of-province universities in the next 18-24 months? I really don’t know what to say to them.

— About to be Unpopular, Winnipeg

DearUnpopular: It would be best if you and your kids’ mom could keep your sexual relationships fairly discreet until the kids go off to university in the next couple of years.

That means the boys stay with Mom at her house, but she admits to the woman she’s seeing romantically. They probably know already, as kids aren’t blind to these things.

You should also tell your boys you have lady friends now, but they’re welcome to spend certain overnights.

Their mom may decide to see her lady friend privately for overnights when the guys are staying with you.

Be warned that letting your teenagers have the run of either of your homes while you stay with new sex/love partners could be inviting out-of-control parties to happen.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The other night at about 11 p.m. I tried to call my husband on his “business trip,” but he didn’t answer. I called him back three times, until he finally picked up. He was quiet, but he sounded kind of drunk to me. After a brief, awkward conversation, he said a cool, “Goodnight, then.” But just as he was hanging up, I know I heard a woman’s voice start talking to him!

The next morning, I phoned and woke him up at 6 a.m., and he denied anything was happening with a woman the night before. He said, “I was just un-pausing the TV.”

Really? I know that wasn’t a TV voice! In fact, the woman’s voice sounded a little bit familiar, but I can’t place it — yet.

After only two weeks home again, he’s going to be out of town for yet another couple weeks. What should I do? I’ve had enough of his crap. I’m too young to put up with more. Plus, he’s never been able to give me children.

I do have a great career and I do not need his money to get by. Also, I really want a child, and I know I’d be a great mom! Please help me make some decisions.

— Alone and Angry at 32, Elmwood

Dear Alone and Angry: When your wandering husband comes home, tell him you want your freedom — and relay some of what you learn by contacting a divorce lawyer. Then don’t waste a lot of time arguing. Make the moves to finally get yourself free!

You can still start a family in your 30s and older, but you likely want a loving relationship established first. Another alternative could be to adopt as a single working mom, with lots of supports in place. Bottom line? You don’t need this disinterested husband to build what you want. He’s just getting in the way of your best life.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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