Don’t belittle or overreact to mate’s vicarious thrills

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This article was published 24/03/2024 (872 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new girlfriend has a strange thing for celebrities — movie stars, singers, athletes — anybody in the spotlight. She reads all the gossip magazines and knows all the dirt. She refers to all the stars by their first names and nicknames, as if they’re intimate friends. She knows all their exes.

I thought it was a joke at first, and laughed about it, but now I wonder if she’s just a little bent.

Watching the spring award shows (all of them so far), she’s talked to the stars on the TV as if they could hear her, yelling things like “Oh, come on, Taylor. (Swift). Travis Kelce is a giant loser. Give me a call, and I’ll straighten you out.” She doesn’t even need me in the room, she’s so busy with the stars and actually speaking to them.

I talked her down after the Oscars show when she lost her mind yapping to everybody. She was so animated she seemed to think she was talking directly to them.

I tried to reason with her afterwards, and she said, “You’re so out of it. You just don’t understand.”

I admire certain hockey players and enjoy interviews with them, but I don’t get all wild-eyed and start talking to the TV set and hopping up and down when they score. What is wrong with this woman?

— Alarmed, St. Boniface

Dear Alarmed: There may be nothing wrong with your girlfriend. Have you watched a televised hockey or football game with male friends recently, particularly a live one? Men shout, bang seats and roar instructions at the athletes they love and hate.

Some guys barely have a voice left on the drive home. They just love to be part of the game — living vicariously and going wild. They may have secretly wanted to be a star of some kind, but didn’t have what it took.

Your partner may have wished she could have been a movie or music star, which is why she gets so deeply into it and identifies with the ones she admires.

Sometimes the lines can blur between fantasy and reality when watching exciting performances.

Sadly, you’re acting like a spoilsport. The right guy for her would be watching her get excited and asking himself, ”How can I help make a little of this fun come true in real life for her?” That might involve researching the filmmaking scene in Manitoba, and passing on tips to her for getting involved.

If she’s more of a singer, you two could hit a bar for live-band karaoke.

Can you do something positive with her that recognizes her fascination with performing and fame? It could be a lot of fun if you can enjoy it, too.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I find myself staring at this gorgeous new man at work and he’ll say something funny like, ”What are you looking at? Do I have something in my teeth?” Then I have to make something up, fast. I can’t say, “I think I’m falling for you.”

Then today, I got some sad news — the worst thing. He has a girlfriend and she’s coming to Winnipeg to live with him.

Why did he not mention her before? I feel crushed. I was envisioning us down the line, getting together and falling in love.

He is my ideal man, even though he’s eight years older than me, almost 35. How do I get past this?

I’ve had to run to the bathroom twice and cry since I heard the news. This is the worst. Should I quit my job and get out of here?

— Don’t Stand a Chance Now, Transcona

Dear No Chance: Whoa. Quitting your job without a new one to move into could make your situation worse. This guy may be job-hopping up the ladder of success and his next move might not be within your company. If the present job is just a stepping stone for him, you may not need to go anywhere.

So, ask him casually about his ladder-to-success plan, and he might even tell you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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