Is he life-partner material or just life of the party?

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/01/2024 (998 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went to a ridiculous New Year’s Eve house party — pitchers of drinks with crazy names, games, musicians! Just before midnight, a loud guy knocked at the door, along with other friends of the host. I knew by hearing one hyena laugh the identity of one guy out there — my boyfriend from high school.

He was three sheets to the wind — and didn’t have a woman with him. He kicked off his cowboy boots and came right over and plunked himself down beside me. He said, ”My friends told me you’d be here, so I came over to see you — and kiss you when it’s midnight. Want to practise now?” He hadn’t changed a bit.

Then he was telling me how beautiful I was, and how much he missed me over the last 15 or so years. Right. I had to remove his hand from my knee, but just then the host handed him a guitar and he got right into playing and singing. Then he was the life of the party, just like in the old days.

Now I haven’t been able to get this fool out of my mind! We’re both single again — he’s recently separated and I’m divorced.

I’d really like to see him again, but the thing is, he hasn’t called me and I did write out my number for him. Should I try to get his number from somebody from the party, and call him?

— Tempted By My High School Love, Fort Rouge

Dear Tempted: Whoa! Do some research to find out what this old boyfriend’s marital situation really is and other details of his life. Also, try to find out if he drinks to excess regularly now — other than at the odd party.

Does all this sound like someone raining on your parade?

There are important reasons we break up with people. Although some exes grow up and leave their bad habits behind, others, like those hooked on alcohol or drugs, simply do not. They’re still bar-stars and they love to be the life of parties. They’re just not so great at being life partners. Be very careful with this man!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend had never owned a pet, because his parents had severe allergies, so he got a dog the month he moved out. Well, that dog is 15 now, and going downhill rapidly.

I can tell my guy is not emotionally prepared for the loss of his first beloved animal. I went through losing a pet as a young child, and a few times since then, as I have had pets my whole life. But I’m not sure how to support my guy, as he’s never lost any human or pet close to him — not even a grandparent. It’s going to be devastating!

I also love this dog as if he were my own, but I know when he passes I’ll be able to move on after a brief period of grief. I’ve done it before.

I’m really worried my boyfriend hasn’t had the chance to experience and deal with this, and like chicken pox, it will be extra devastating to experience it for the first time as an adult. How can I prepare him?

— Worried Girlfriend, Silver Heights

Dear Worried: If your boyfriend is open to it, talk with him about different ways of handling the death of his old dog when he becomes ill. Do that so there are no difficult decisions to be made when it’s crisis time and your guy just wants to lie down and cry.

The best situation I’ve personally experienced, when a pet was in bad pain and needed to be euthanized, was staying in a vet’s special room to comfort my old kitty until it was all over.

As for a new pet, you already know from your experience that getting a new animal doesn’t stop the pain completely, but it certainly helps.

Some people feel the rescue of a pet desperately in need of a home is easier to take in during a time of bereavement. Others think an innocent little puppy is a happy distraction and lifts the mood. It depends on the personality of your boyfriend, so gently ask him — when you perceive the time is right to bring it up.

Please send questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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