Don’t sleep on sudden separate-bed scheme

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This article was published 26/12/2023 (950 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new husband’s mother used to sleep alone with her kids in the master bedroom’s king-sized bed. Their dad had his own bedroom with his big computer setup — very weird.

Oddly, my husband seems to think it’s A-OK if he sleeps in our “spare bedroom” by himself, now that we have two tiny little kids. They have their own bedroom with cribs, but only sleep there for afternoon naps.

Now our “spare bedroom” has started looking like a single guy’s computer hideaway! My guy says that I — the mother — can now sleep “in peace” with our children in our big bed.

Last weekend my antenna really went up when he put a little sign on his new bedroom door, which says “Please knock before entering.”

I burst through the door and said, “You’ve got to be kidding! This is not an office building with ‘keep out’ signs directed at me. This is our home we share with our children, and they may need our love and attention — at any time.”

Then he said, “But, you will be right there sleeping with them.” I roared back, “I’m not your weirdo mother and I do not want a husband who acts like your father!” Then my eyes fell on the new shiny door knob — one he can lock. Now, we’re barely talking. Please help.

— Separated by Walls, Tuxedo

Dear Separated: This situation may have been normal to your husband when he was living with his parents. And, as far as he knew, it was a workable situation for them. You need to explain to him in detail what it is you find odd about his parents’ sleeping arrangement.

Also, ask him if he’s really willing to push your sex life to the side. Tell him you need him to be close, warm and available. And, did he really expect you’d knock and ask for entry to his “office” when you wanted to make love with him?

You might be surprised by the answer. It could have been good for his folks as a business-like arrangement — so he may be surprised you want something more intimate.

Chances are good he’ll be happy you do!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had two very rough years — 2022 and 2023. I’ll admit I let myself slide into a mild depression. I crawled out with professional help, and started feeling good about myself and my life again.

Then an “Earth angel” from the past came back into my life! I’d given her my ring in high school, and her religious parents made her give it back and say goodbye to me.

She obeyed her strict parents. Then, a few years later she let them push her into a young marriage with a good-looking guy who was the son of friends of theirs, from their church.

This guy was bisexual, as it turned out. His parents already knew that situation, and were trying to steer him onto a “straight” path, with the marriage. It didn’t work — no real sex life, no children and inside a year, they split up.

Now my high school sweetie has found me again. Amazingly we we’re both free and single — and never forgot about loving each other. The problem? She’d like to have a child before it’s too late.

Still, I’ve learned to move slowly. I think we should test this out, but she says we’re getting too old to waste healthy baby-making time. What do you think? We’re the same age — both pushing 30.

— Scared to Jump the Gun, East Kildonan

Dear Scared: Make sure your old flame’s feelings of haste have nothing to do with teaching her parents a lesson, or a panic that she might not be able to have as many kids as she’d like. Women are giving birth well into their 30s and even 40s.

The core of a long-lasting relationship has to do with the strength of the multifaceted union between the couple. If you think your new relationship might be strong enough to go long-term, consider going to relationship counselling sessions to discuss your feelings this time around.

Also, both of you need to have a discussion with this woman’s once-interfering parents about the fact you’re both adults now, and will not put up with any attempts to interfere in your new relationship. Don’t avoid that important talk, whatever you do. Those two need to know they can’t be the bosses anymore!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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