Realistic take on summer romance a wise move

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/08/2023 (1142 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been working all summer at a beautiful lake, and must say goodbye to my summer romance. He lives in a community up north. I’ll soon be back at university in the city. He just asked me if I’ll come back here again next summer to work with him, and I said, “Yes, if we both still care.” That was my honest answer, but it hurt him. He said, “Then, you don’t love me.”

I told him all summer I loved him, and he said the same back. But now, I think I may have lost him for good, and we’ll be apart forever. I’m so upset! What should I do?

— Little Fool, Lake of the Woods

Dear Little Fool: All you can do when you part is write, phone and try to visit. The separation will tell you how you really feel. Some summer relationships fold under the strain of separation, but others falter a bit but then burn brightly again. That would mean getting another summer job together, or being together in the same town or city, as soon as you can make that happen.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband was a good-looking guy when I married him. But since hitting his late 40s, and is gaining weight and starting to lose his hair, he’s lost confidence. Recently, he’s started using a sexy voice on the phone to me, which is lower than normal. He can’t keep the low tone going for very long, and has to keep clearing his throat. Should I tell him he sounds stupid when he does that?

— Rolling My Eyes, St. James

Dear Rolling: If you were putting on a sexy voice for him, how would you feel if he told you how ridiculous you sounded? Try telling him this: “You know what, Babe? I think your natural speaking voice is a lot sexier than your low telephone voice.” He might be slightly embarrassed, but actually tickled to hear that, and you will reap the benefits.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I dumped my fiancée who doesn’t know what she wants — a man like her dad and brothers, or a modern guy like me. I don’t care what role a woman wants to fill, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to be told I need to act a certain way, to get her respect. The straw that broke the camel’s back? My fiancée wants to start a family soon and for us to get a nice house for having children, but she’s not up for paying half.

Then, two weeks ago she started pressuring me to buy a gas-guzzling, super-expensive SUV for us, since she’s talking about starting a family. That’s what her father and older brothers bought for their families. I said, “No way! I like my little car, and it doesn’t cost much to run. You have your own vehicle.” She then looked at my car and said, “You call that a man’s car?”

I started asking my buddies about this and began realizing quite a number of women still want a “traditional man” once they’re getting married and having families. The irony is many women are working, running organizations and businesses, and making very good money. They’re no longer traditional themselves! The woman I’m so mad at is a professional, pulling down six figures.

— I’ll Drive What I Want, East St. Paul

Dear Drive What I Want: You may have dumped your fiancée recently, but this “woman you’re so mad at” is still in your heart, or you wouldn’t have written, so listen up.

People who toil to keep up a lifestyle they can’t afford, often have a hard time keeping their love alive. As you’re starting to realize, this problem is much bigger than driving the inexpensive small vehicle you prefer. The deep-down expectations carried from growing up in your mate’s family are starting to surface as she pictures married life and child-raising with a husband, possibly you.

Even though she’s making six figures now, she’ll be carrying the babies, and may not see herself buying half of the family SUV and filling it with gas every week. In fact, she may already be picturing herself working half-time or less, when the family is young.

Then there’s the image of the family home she grew up in. That picture may still be in her mind as the type of place in which she wants to raise her children. If your dream does not fit with hers, but you still love her and want to be with her for the long haul, consider serious counselling right now, to see if you can amalgamate your dreams.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was dating a man who suddenly got diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it. We’d only dated for six months, and I said goodbye. Now I feel so guilty! Was that a bad and wrong thing to do?

— Chicken Heart, Winnipeg

Dear Chicken Heart: Maybe you weren’t strong enough, or maybe you just didn’t feel enough love for this man to go down that difficult and uncertain road with him. He really needs people who are committed, like close friends and family. It wouldn’t have been honest for you to stay, and you might have opted to leave him further down the road, which would have been worse.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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