Sleep-aid sex buddy needs a wake-up call

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m being treated like a sleeping pill. My girlfriend works in a high-stress profession that requires precision and speed. She only wants sex from me to calm her down and let her sleep — on her own. She refuses to stay overnight on work nights to wake up in the morning together.

I was starting to feel suspicious, but then last Saturday night, something else happened. I touched her in her sleep and she moaned another guy’s crazy nickname.

I know that guy. Nobody else has a weird handle like that.

Then she sat up righteously and told me, “Well, it’s time I went home now. I have to get rested up for work.”

What? As if having to work makes anything right. I don’t trust her anymore.

Although she says she cares for me deeply, I have never heard the “love” word from her lips in the whole year we’ve been together.

Apparently, she doesn’t have time for real love. What should I do now?

— Alone and Hurting, West Kildonan

Dear Hurting: What you need to do is ask yourself this, “Why do I stay when she obviously doesn’t care nearly as much as I do?” You deserve warmth, love and the attention of a partner who loves you.

This seems to be a sex-buddy situation where one person cares more than the other and may have another person on the side.

Next time this woman tries to come over for some fun, say, “No more.” Inform her you need, want and deserve a real love partner.

She already knows the cheap ways she’s been treating you — and getting away with them. But that needs to be over, and then hopefully you’ll look for a different kind of relationship — one where you both partners love and respect one another.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is in love with horse racing. He was too big and heavy to be a jockey himself, but he loves every aspect of racing — he really lives and breathes it.

Horses are his passion. He bets every which way, including private side-bets with buddies.

He particularly likes to be out there at the track for all the live races so he can feel the tension and excitement.

He doesn’t use our shared funds for the horses, but he does have a side job — I don’t even know how much money he makes at it and then loses on the horses.

I know in my heart he loves the horses more than he loves me and that really hurts. I should never have married the guy, knowing he’s addicted to a different kind of love than cherishing a human woman.

What should I do now?

— His Hurting Human, Westwood

Dear Hurting Human: It’s sometimes easier to break off a love affair with another person than it is to break an “affair” with a vice such as gambling. That’s particularly so when the addicted person doesn’t have the slightest urge to stop gambling.

Since friends and family end up suffering, they often try to do whatever they can. For more info on the subject, you could connect with the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba’s 24-Hour Problem Gambling Helpline at 1-800-463-1554 and also check out Manitoba Liquor and Lotteries’ website (mbll.ca) for resources to help with problem gambling.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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