Son’s idea of sociability may not square with dad’s

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My teenage son prefers his “science lab” in the basement to socializing with the crowd from high school. He does very well in science and on projects requiring experimentation.

However, I worry that he’s lonely, but his mom tells me he prefers just hanging with his best friend next door, who also likes science. I just feel that, as his dad, I’m not teaching my son how to be a sociable guy with a normal group of friends.

I just want him to be happy and can’t believe he is, just hanging out in the basement with one friend. Last week my son told his mom he wishes I would stop worrying that he’s not popular. What do you think?

— Worried Dad, Dugald

Dear Dad: Acceptance and admiration is what most kids want from their parents and close relatives. It sounds like your son is already achieving the goal of happiness, doing what he loves to do in his basement laboratory with a like-minded friend.

So why not just enjoy that? Support your son in the ways he wants to be sociable — even if it’s just having one buddy over at a time to work on a new experiment.

Accept the fact your son’s brain is different from yours — he’s just not set up to be a party guy.

Show your admiration for him by looking into universities that specialize in the types of science that make his brain come alive.

Talk to him about that, and he will feel understood by his dad and admired.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What fools we mortals be. My husband and I recently fell in love with an airy 1970s-era cabin where you can feel the breeze off the lake and see the beams up above your bed, as there are no room ceilings to close you in.

The couple selling it had already bought a place that looked more like a bungalow in the city when they showed us their pictures of it. We thought it was a strange preference for lake living.

With great excitement we bought the airy cabin and last weekend had the kids out with a friend each.

Failing to consider the lack of ceilings, my husband and I celebrated the new cottage by having sex after the kids went to sleep. However, our teenagers quickly woke up and yelled, “Mom. Dad. Give us a break! We need to get some sleep.”

We quickly realized our happy sex life wasn’t going to happen at this romantic cabin when any company came with us.

When we got back to the city my husband priced out bedroom ceilings and soundproofing — talk about a shock.

Our cottage-loving friends have also suggested hauling in prebuilt sleeping cabins for the kids — one for guys, one for girls. The problem is teenagers can sneak into each others’ beds out there.

We need a solution or this summer is ruined. Help.

— Loving Parents, Riding Mountain area

Dear Parents: Probably the best fix, for this season at least, is to opt for adding ceilings to the bedrooms — or even just your own, for now. At least that way, the kids are still under the same roof as you and your husband and can’t as easily sneak around as they would be able to with separate bunkhouses.

Even with ceilings in places, the likely closely positioned rooms will still leak some sound, but you can always blast some air-conditioning units or fans if you want to mask your own nighttime noises.

Sadly, visible roof beams may not be compatible with intimate privacy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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