Swallow your DIY pride and go with family flow

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This article was published 18/06/2024 (810 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My over-excited wife just started inviting her siblings and families to come out in August to visit us at the cabin I just bought with inheritance money from my side of the family.

I told her it was too soon to have people over, since the place needs a ton of work before we can host. She said that her family is full of handy people who can build and fix anything, which would save us a lot of money. Saving money is not the issue.

I’m a do-it-yourself guy and need to do things right. That means we really need this summer totally free of company so I can do it properly. My wife said no. Her family would bring tents and she would organize meals.

I suddenly got it. She wants to be running this renovation show and be the big star. My nerves are already shot thinking about dealing with her, plus her know-it-all relatives.

How can I stop my project in the woods from turning into a circus sideshow?

— Know-It-All’s Angry Husband, Winnipeg

Dear Angry Husband: Forget telling your wife’s family to stay home in August because you want to do the work yourself. The invitations are out, plans have been made and your wife has made it sound exciting and fun. She’s stoked and everybody is feeling happy along with her.

You can fix a good part of the building problem ahead of time by swallowing your do-it-yourself pride and using some of your inheritance money to hire some crews in July to do structural and safety work before the relatives even get there.

Try to work it so all that’s left is fun jobs such as piecing a bar together, painting a shed and deck chairs in party colours, and putting up party lights around the cabin and dock (if you are on the water). Think the relatives will be upset there isn’t more work to do? Not likely.

Your wife may think all they want to do is pitch in and work hard at your lake house, but the sun will be shining and the cool water beckoning. The relatives don’t want to be free labour for too many hours a day.

So why not enjoy each other’s company, take a lot of photos and make memories for a lifetime?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My 19-year-old son has been going somewhere late at night and coming back before the family wakes. I wondered why he would sneak out when we don’t care if he has a girlfriend at his age.

He’s been going off somewhere without his car and coming back before sun-up. I decided to find out where he disappears to, so I stayed awake late and when I heard the click of the door, I watched from upstairs.

I saw he just went a couple of doors down the lane into a yard where someone let him into the house. I know the mother there a little bit, and the son.

I confronted my son and it turns out he now has a partner — a guy his age. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I still don’t. I’m a single mom and not very worldly. Please help me.

— So Mixed Up, Fort Garry

Dear Mixed Up: You and your son could benefit greatly from talking with the supportive counsellors at the Rainbow Resource Centre (rainbowresourcecentre.org). They offer support to everyone on the LGBTTQ+ spectrum, as well as their families.

You can get help in the form of counselling, education and programming for individuals ranging from children to 55-plus, their families, friends and employers.

As for your son and his partner, the sooner they can come out and realize they are still loved and accepted, the better — especially within their families.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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