Family dream isn’t over by a long shot just yet

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/06/2024 (841 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife used to be the best partner — a great friend, great lover, lots of fun and eager to start a family with me. She was willing to do lots of practising to get them. I love her like crazy, but back in the beginning we were in heaven.

Now we’re both seriously nervous and upset. Three years have come and gone — using no birth control — and we have no babies or pregnancies to show for it. She wants to adopt but I feel funny about adopting somebody else’s baby after we’ve only been trying for a few years.

Still, my wife is getting depressed and anxious after every month we fail to get pregnant, and sex is not fun like it used to be. It feels like work.

The last couple of months she cried when she got her period.

It made me feel so bad for her, and pretty inadequate as her man. Please advise on what we should do next.

— Unhappy Husband, South Winnipeg

Dear Unhappy: Chin up. This is definitely not the end of the road by a long shot for your dreams of having a family. Lots of couples who have trouble conceiving go out and get information about why it’s not happening because sometimes the problem can be remedied.

The fertility specialists at Heartland Fertility clinic (heartlandfertility.mb.ca) would be a good place to start if you want to continue trying to have your own genetically related child.

If you two become serious about adoption in the future, then Adoption Options (adoptionoptions.mb.ca) may be able to help, as could exploring the province’s children and families website (gov.mb.ca/fs/childfam/adoption.html).

You can do this and have your family, one way or the other. This is not the time to give up hope and be cranky with each other. Cranky does not get you kiddies.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I live in a rural spot just outside a small town. Somebody with a familiar-looking van was just getting the heck out of the bottom of my long drive when I went out to go to work this morning.

I was shocked to see him there. He took off like a shot — lots of dust — but I knew that vehicle. It was my old boyfriend.

He has a history of shadowing old girlfriends after they break up with him. I didn’t call the police on him. Should I just contact him? He’s always been harmless, but he can be a cling-on. Please advise.

— Wondering What to Do, Manitoba

Dear Wondering: Calling him is exactly what he wants. Don’t give him that satisfaction.

Instead speak to your local police about what happened and who you believe it was based on the look of the vehicle and your history with him.

They will no doubt pay this ex a visit or ask him to come to the station for a serious talk that dissuades him from future spying.

You are vulnerable, especially living out of town, alone. A big, loud-barking yard dog or two would be helpful to warn off unwanted visitors, and so would a housemate or two — and no, you don’t have to marry them.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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