Shift up your schedule so you can socialize better

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/05/2024 (800 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend from last summer has started calling me. When I ask her why, she says, “I’m lonely.”

So what? She left me for another guy, and he didn’t work out. I only answer her stupid calls because she phones me at my four-to-midnight job, where I’m bored out of my mind. I’ve been giving in but now she’s started telling people we are back together.

It’s not true! I don’t want a repeat of the last time I was going with her, and believe me, she’s not any more interesting now, but I really have no social life anymore. My job keeps me from finding a new girlfriend I could really like. What can you suggest for me?

— Lonely and Desperate, North End

Dear Lonely and Desperate: First move? You need to say goodbye to this woman who’s chasing you again. It’s not fair to either of you to continue like this. Next move? Seriously look for a nine-to-five day job, or even two half-time jobs, that could free you up enough to reconnect with old friends and new girlfriends. On summer evenings, everyone is outside celebrating the warmth and light, and you need to be free to socialize again.

Ask your close friends to help you with tips and contacts for new day jobs you could go after, ASAP. When you have a job with decent hours, tell your friends you’ll happily go on blind dates. Assure them you’ll be a fun date, because you’re making a list of what’s going on for movies, concerts, bar bands, comedy shows and summer festivals — and do it.

At the same time, you’ll need to be seriously looking for a new long-term work path. Career counsellors can help you identify what you’d enjoy — and universities and colleges can put you in touch with them. Making these constructive moves will renew your hope and your self-esteem quickly, and stop you from having that lonely and desperate feeling.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to Grand Beach on the first really warm day, and hit the sand dunes for some nude sun-tanning. I had become a very pale guy after last winter. So, I brought cool music, a new book and was planning to zone out. Then along came this crazy young woman, right over my dune, singing out, “Well, hello there!”

I quickly tried to cover up. She laughed and said, “You missed a spot!” and pulled out cold beers from her beach bag. I’m shy, but that loosened me up. We had a long, sexy afternoon in the sand, and I really liked her a lot. But then, she suddenly looked at her watch and said, “I have to get home!”

I said, “Where’s that, fair lady?” She pulled away, got dressed, laughed at me and said, ”Wouldn’t you like to know!” Within a minute of getting her clothes on, she’d disappeared.

I felt weird then, and I still do. She was about 30. I don’t know if she was married and hiding the ring, or she has a boyfriend or what — but she wasn’t giving me a chance to see her again or even to know her name. Does she just wander the dunes and prey on unsuspecting guys like me?

I’m a decent guy. I think I deserved better. It bugs me that I can’t know who the heck she is, and where she lives. Any suggestions on how I could get an ID on her?

— Feeling Used, St. Boniface

Dear Feeling Used: It’d be a waste of your time and feelings to look for this woman and identify her. For her, it was a hit-and-run sexual adventure. Unfortunately, some women think they’re the only ones who have feelings around sex, and that it’s mostly a game for guys — especially those who’ll accept sex with a stranger.

Save your energy for a different woman, who actually wants to get to know you!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography