Can we truly ‘plan’ to win over a heart?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mom and dad met each other at a Halloween party. He was “instantly smitten” with my mother, he said. She was in a princess costume, and he was a lumberjack carrying a big axe. The weapon wasn’t very scary for her, because he’s a short guy. Small but determined — and smart!

His next move? He announced he had good tickets to a concert she’d mentioned she wanted to attend, and they went. He decided good tickets were the winning move, and took to buying tickets for anything entertaining for the two of them.

In the end, they got married and they are really happy together, and still go out to events a lot. Why don’t more people forget the usual dating nonsense and just make a sensible “plan of action” to win, like my dad did? I also think just hoping to “fall” in love doesn’t make sense. What do you think?

— Proud Daughter, West End

Dear Proud Daughter. When most people start dating, they aren’t usually making an extended “plan” with the goal of winning. But once your dad felt that way, he analyzed the situation and carried out his strategy. There’s nothing wrong with that, if there’s an attraction and affection growing between two people.

As for hoping to fall in love, the go-getters tend to date more and fall in love — or in ‘like’ — more often.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is an adorable oddball, and it shows up at times like Halloween. He digs up his adult-size Kermit the Frog costume and parks himself out on the front step with a little table and all his different treats in big bowls for trick-or-treaters.

He says, “Ho, ho, ho! … Happy Halloween!” in a Santa Claus voice as he’s liberally doling out goodies. He loves doing it and I never tease him in any way. He came from a very poor family, and I wonder what Halloween means to him. He’s not a talker and I don’t push him to discuss his painful childhood years because I don’t want to make him break down.

— Loving Wife, West End

Dear Loving Wife: Some people are sensitive enough that they know when to let their mate work out some of their childhood pain, without getting in there and prying.

Here’s a theory on his actions for you. It’s possible each child your husband gives a generous treat helps make up for some of the pain in his childhood days, when there wasn’t money for occasions like Halloween. So maybe his family turned off the lights and hid, pretending they weren’t home.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I want to share this suggestion! If anybody’s desperate to go to a friend’s Halloween party but only has an hour to make a costume between work and the bash, here’s a hot tip from me.

It’s a ghost costume, but with a twist. Take an old bed sheet — one with a flower pattern or striped is ideal — cut a hole in the middle for your head, and then use a long, wild-coloured necktie or two tied together for the sash.

Then cut big holes in a similarly patterned pillowcase you pull over your head for your mask. You want people to know who is under there — and get the laughing going right away! It’s meant to be something fun, especially with a group of idiot friends.

— Hopefully Helpful, West Kildonan

Dear Hopefully Helpful: Thanks, that’s a great idea — and particularly the idea of a ghost with flowers or stripes. That adds to the giggles!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife, like others who have written you, always needs people to know I am hers alone, and it’s embarrassing.

We belong to a group where we do a lot of work. When new people come on board, my woman has to make a big deal of telling them she and I are together, and how long we have been married and worked together at this club. She comes off sounding so possessive.

Enough! I’m not a guy who flirts and runs around, although I must say a few of the men in the group do. How can I get her to stop?

— Embarrassed Husband, Winnipeg

Dear Embarrassed: Explain to your wife she has no need to worry about you cheating, and that when she goes on and on to people, it sounds like she doesn’t trust you. Ask her point-blank to stop! If she can’t, then a few appointments with a relationship counsellor could help with this embarrassing behaviour.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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