Her house, her rules as far as sleeping attire

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have always slept naked and felt totally free between the sheets. But now I have a new girlfriend with young children, and she says adults should be dressed in pyjamas for bed, in case there’s a problem in the night.

She says we might have to help a crying kid having a nightmare, get a sick pet down to the vet in a hurry or chase off an intruder trying to steal something. This puts a whole new spin on going to bed in anticipation of having an exciting time together.

I’m younger than my new girlfriend and have no kids of my own. I live in an apartment with a backstairs fire escape. I never think about getting into trouble at night unless I’m voluntarily going out for the fun kind.

Isn’t my girlfriend going too far, telling me what I have to wear to bed? I really like her a lot. What do you suggest?

— Not Anybody’s Father Yet, West End

Dear Not Anybody’s Father: A lot of freedom disappears when you have children and pets in the home.

Here’s how this might work for you as a serious boyfriend. Pay for babysitters so you can take your new mate over to your bachelor lair to spoil her with dinner and a sensual evening. Order dinner in, or cook for each other, wearing whatever you like, or nothing at all.

Enjoy some real privacy and a few hours of fun together, and then take your girlfriend home to sleep and wake up with her kids. If you want to stay at her house overnight, respect the “mom rules.” Wear pyjama pants and a T-shirt to bed.

Why? Because little kids tend to jump into the grown-ups’ bed early in the morning.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The woman I almost married years ago has become free again. Her older husband died as a result of his longtime liquor habit, and I’m secretly happy. (I swear I had nothing to do with getting rid of him!)

My old flame teases me that I was waiting around for her to be free, as I worked near their home. I did casually keep up a special friendship with her — and now we’re dating. Woohoo!

Her husband is gone forever, but she still has to get his spirit out of that old house of theirs! Everything in the house says “him.” He had stodgy decorating tastes, lots of European history books and a classical music collection. She can’t seem to bring herself chuck all that stuff, although she didn’t really share his tastes.

Nothing at all reflects her wilder personality! I’d give anything to be able to pack it all up, and help her start redecorating in her style. What can I do?

— Longtime Admirer, Elmwood

Dear Longtime Admirer: She may not be able to chuck any of her deceased husband’s stuff while she’s still living in their marital home. So that might be where you come in! Take her around to see some homes on the market that you both like.

Just don’t make the mistake of making fun of her husband and his stodgy taste, as he’s still precious to her. She needs to be encouraged — not pushed — to move house and give away some of her deceased mate’s stuff to close family members. One day she might move in with lovable you, but not if you pressure her too much while she’s still healing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I thought my wife was obsessed with the springtime night skies. She’d leave home in her car to go “stargazing” with her girlfriends from work every few weeks.

Last week, I ran into one of these supposed stargazers and I asked her a friendly question about a startling sight in the sky that she and my wife must have seen together.

She nervously commented on the “too-cold” weather that night and quickly took off into the parking lot!

It suddenly dawned on me these women might be covering for each other, with this stargazing nonsense as an alibi.

I rushed home, but my wife had already received a warning call by the time I got in the door. I thought I’d give her a hard time, but, she was surprisingly well-armed with info to deter me. Now what? I still love my wife as a person, but the trust is gone and will not be coming back for a long time.

— Stargazing Casualty, Windsor Park

Dear Casualty: When a couple loses their sexual desire for each other, but still love each other as friends, they can sometimes agree to quietly find sexual recreation outside the marriage, yet stay together.

In this case, a group of friends with secret sex partners gave each other the alibi of being with a stargazing group. But they didn’t check the skies for special “events” on the nights in question, in case their partners asked.

You and your wife are at a crossroads. You’ll need to spend a lot of intimate talking time discussing where you are as a couple now — hopefully with a relationship counsellor.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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