Put ‘fantasy ride’ behind you; get real this summer

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Over the winter I was captivated by a beautiful older woman in her 30s, who talked about saving money to buy a cabin this summer. We’d lie in bed on weekend mornings after making love and talk about how big a cabin we wanted and on which lake.

It was such a turn-on for both of us — imagining us there on the beach at night this summer with a fire and going wild with each other. It made for a lot of unforgettable sex.

However, now that the snow is almost gone, she’s suddenly gone silent about cabins. She seems to have lost all interest in buying one or even looking at them, and changes the topic when I bring it up.

This week, I finally insisted talking about it, and she said, “Oh, grow up. I was just playing with you in my imagination this winter, and took you for a some fantasy rides with great sex. You can’t deny you enjoyed it.”

I couldn’t, but that “fantasy ride” suddenly veered off the tracks and I feel embarrassed and angry. Now what?

— My Tough Luck? Garden City

Dear Tough Luck: There’s big difference between acting out sizzling beach scenes for a mutual giggle and pretending you’re a serious couple with cabin decisions to ponder and a future together.

Drop this older woman who has ridiculed you, and get together some money to rent a cottage with a few good friends closer to your own age this summer. Round up people who will be happy to pitch in to help with expenses, as well having fun.

You might also start looking for a different partner, as spring is flirting with us. Look for someone who is captivated by your personality, as well as your looks and physical attributes.

Plus, if you’re happy and socially connected this summer, you’ll more easily attract new romance and can consider getting involved with a new partner who is closer to your age and actually ready for a real romance.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I need a break from everything and don’t know how to get it.

My work, my gym, my wife, my family, my whole life are too much for me now. I’ve been working 12-hour days for too many months.

I got the promotion I wanted and with it all the work. Now, ironically, I’m losing interest in the business I used to love. There’s nothing in my life but work, work, work, take a shower, then work some more.

I brought this on myself by being the eager-beaver guy at the office. I’ve been staying late four nights a week and taking work home for the weekends. I’m so burned out.

Now I’m up for a fat raise and another promotion (according to some pretty credible office gossip I heard recently), but is it worth it? I don’t want to be expected to work like this for the rest of my life. Please help.

— Dug My Own Hole, River East

Dear Dug: Lots of people approaching the top in careers feel themselves burning out. The first thing you can do to ease this torture is to stop beating yourself up. Then look for private counselling with an expert in this area and let all your worries and feelings come out in some sessions with them.

Don’t be afraid to let it all out with a counsellor, as they’re trained to deal with this sort of stress. This move in itself will help take some of the pressure off — much more than you’d now likely believe.

Then it’s time to work on a plan with your counsellor to ease up on yourself — to take the breaks you need, approach colleagues in the right way and learn how to stop overestimating their need for you to work like a madman.

You may even find out your superiors have been worried about you working toward a blowout, but were afraid to approach you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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