Ignore meddling cousin, have serious talk with mate

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve just been stabbed in the heart by my jealous female cousin, who is much prettier than I will ever be. She has two children and no husband anymore, because she kicked him out for cheating.

She has a mean mouth, too. She recently told me my that husband told her he bought me a convertible for my amusement to keep me busy because I can’t have any children.

The truth is I actually offered to go the adoption route, and my cousin knows that, but my husband said he didn’t want any children who weren’t his own blood.

That was a rough patch because I wanted kids so badly and adoption would have solved the problem for me.

I thought we would have gotten over that bump recently when my husband bought us a romantic cabin and we were very into renovating it together.

But the truth was I still wanted a child, so last week I went out to our cabin to hide and have a good long cry. I told my husband I would be home in the morning. Then I couldn’t sleep and changed my mind at 11 p.m. and went home — only to catch him and my cousin at our house looking guilty.

I ran back out to my car and drove back to the lake. My husband called and called and begged me to come home. He swore nothing was going on, that my cousin just knocked on the door and wanted to come in for coffee and a chat.

We are both afraid to talk much now, for fear this is the end of our marriage and that people in our town know everything that’s going on.

—Embarrassed and Scared, Interlake

Dear Scared: You two don’t want to break up, or that probably would have happened when you arrived home from the cabin with your cousin sitting there, looking guilty.

It’s time to see a relationship counsellor with your husband — possibly in another town for privacy — and talk about everything that’s hurting so badly. Then you and your mate might be able to relax “back into love“ and finally work things out so you’re able to adopt.

Look, lots of kids don’t look like carbon copies of their parents, and who cares? Your husband needs to work that issue out, if possible, with an expert and then with you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My first of three marriages was to a cute, kind of dicey guy at age 21, and we travelled Europe together. But after that, it was really over.

My second was to an older guy who looked after me like a parent, and I felt safe and cherished. The sexual chemistry died quickly because I didn’t want a bunch of squawking kids in my late 20s just to please his desire for a family.

My third marriage is still intact, although the sexual passion has also stalled and died. He still supports me in every way, including financially. He has another woman I know about, and I don’t even care. It gets me off the hook.

For me, the problem is that once I start living together with a guy, the passion fizzles out.

Could I be a lesbian and I don’t know it? I don’t want to go see anybody about my “problem.” Help me, please.

— Not Fitting In, Selkirk

Dear Not Fitting In: If you felt passion for another woman, you would probably know it in your body and perhaps in your heart as well.

What could help would be to take a break from relationships and look inside yourself with help from selected professional sources you choose. For instance, if the main question is about your sexuality, consider going for a talk with the team at the Rainbow Resource Centre (rainbowresourcecentre.org).

The centre offers support to the LGBTTQ+ community in the form of counselling, education and programming for people ranging in age from children to 55-plus. It also supports families, friends and employers of LGBTTQ+ individuals. The people at the centre are open, supportive and caring, and offer group and individual counselling.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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