Mother of a resentment problem for busy wife

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This article was published 28/02/2025 (556 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is jealous of her own mother. Her lonely mom recently moved into our house after her husband died. It was my wife’s idea to invite her.

My wife is a successful businesswoman, who leaves home the minute the kids are picked up by their school bus. She doesn’t get home until 5 p.m. I have my own online business and work out of my home office in the basement, so it’s just grandma and me in the house until the kids get home from school.

My wife’s mother is one smart woman — she used to have her own company and has great advice on business problems I run into. She helps me a lot if I have questions.

On top of that, she loves to cook dinners for us and bakes pies. She does everything perfectly — she obviously enjoys a busy domestic life.

But now my wife is so jealous of her mom’s close relationship with me, she said we should get her mother into a seniors home where there would be more people her age and she could have more of a social life.

I think she just wants to get her mom out of our house.

Today, my oldest son, who has silently overheard too much, said the kids know their mom is jealous of their grandmother, but they don’t want her to leave. He asked if I could promise them I wouldn’t make her move out. What should I do?

— Something’s Got to Give, Charleswood

Dear Got to Give: No wonder your wife is jealous. Her sweet ’ol mom is at home with you all day long, baking and cooking beautiful meals for the family and trading business stories and advice. You’re like small-time business partners and parents to the kids.

Your wife is going off to work all day and then getting back home in time for a delicious home-cooked dinner made by, guess who — her mommy. Then you and your wife maybe help the kids with their homework, watch a little TV and what’s left? Two tired people going to bed and maybe having sex before you sleep?

You and your wife really do need to get closer again. You need to have more of your own time together. It might be too hard for grieving Gran to go from living in your busy home to living in an empty apartment, but there’s possibly a happy middle ground.

She might blossom in her own place in a 55-plus building with a kitchenette, new friends and freedom to have the kids come for dinner and stay overnight now and again. Then you and your wife could start going on dates again.

Grandma will soon meet friends and start participating in activities such as board games, cards and group tours — and there may even be a swimming pool. Some contemporary blocks will even allow residents to have a pet.

This new arrangement could be good for everybody, given time. The kids will really miss “live-in Granny,” so you’ll need to invite her for a dinner and board games at least once a week, at first. But, add that to sleepovers and outings at Grandma’s place and things could turn out well in the end.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife has gone back to live with her ex-husband and I’m sick at heart. I am a proud lesbian woman and I still love her so much. I went through hell on Earth to get her free of him.

I know this guy too well. He can be so charming that ordinarily intelligent women will do whatever he wants them to do. He’s very good-looking if you like the dark and dangerous type.

Apparently she does.

She tells people he has changed his ways, stopped drinking and doing hard drugs, and is back to being the guy she fell in love with. And, get this, he says he has forgiven her for being with a woman.

What? I’m a good woman, but I really need some help and support after being rejected by the woman I love and being replaced with a loser like him. Please help. I need to get past this somehow.

— Frozen Out, North End

Dear Frozen: Oddly, some hot-looking people with big egos can’t stand to lose their admirers, even if they don’t really want them back. They just want to see if they can snap their fingers and they’ll come running.

You need to be strong enough you don’t go back for more with this woman if he dumps her again — and he probably will. You’ll need to start building your strength now.

So, contact Rainbow Resource Centre (rainbowresourcecentre.org) and ask about personal counselling to help you get over this complicated breakup. The centre offers support to the LGBTTQ+ community in the form of counselling, education and programming for individuals and their family and friends.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m guilty of smacking my boyfriend hard in the butt with a board when I was mad at him. I hit him and marked him good, but he deserved it.

He has broken up with me and I say good riddance. His best friend who took pictures of the “wound” told him assault is a crime, and he’s encouraging him to go after me legally. Is it a crime and do I need to be worried?

— Backfiring on Me? Downtown Winnipeg

Dear Backfiring: Yes, assault is a crime and there are different degrees of seriousness. You should seek legal advice right away and tell the lawyer truthfully what you did and under what circumstances. If you don’t have much money, contact Legal Aid Manitoba (legalaid.mb.ca).

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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