Successful season of separation demands trust

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This article was published 13/11/2024 (669 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been seeing a beautiful, funny woman for eight months, but I must admit I’ve already been away a lot travelling for the sport I’m involved in. Naturally, she hasn’t mentioned to me she has a lineup of admiring guys wanting to date her whenever I’m away.

But last week I was home and my good friend insisted on taking me out drinking alone. He said, “Buddy, you need to know your girlfriend has a lot of guys for ‘best friends.’ I see them out drinking and dancing together at the clubs. She isn’t even hiding how much she likes it anymore!”

I left right away and drove straight to her place to tell her what he said. She said, “That’s a big lie. Your best friend is the worst one for trying to come on to me when you’re away. He only told you that to make you break up with me, because he’s in love with me himself!”

She was so mad she was pushing me backwards and kept poking at my chest, saying, “I’ve always been true to you and this is the thanks I get?”

She backed me right out the front door and off the porch. I was so relieved to hear her say she was being true to me, I had tears coming. But then she quickly locked her door and wouldn’t let me back in!

When I calmed down, I started thinking, “Who do I believe? How does a guy hold onto a girlfriend when he’s always away?” I’m so frustrated and so lonely for my girlfriend but what if she is seeing other guys?

— Distance Difficult, Winnipeg

Dear Distance: Here’s the best thing you can do during a busy sports season. Clearly express your trust for your loved one, shut your ears to the gossips and stay close with your sweetheart by phone and messaging while you’re miles apart.

Some strong couples can make it through a season doing this but many can’t. They just give up on the relationship until after the season and then see if there’s anything left between them. By then, they’re often so hurt, it’s just too late. So, get calling!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 17 and just found out I was “born on the wrong side of the blanket.”

I looked it up online. That means I was conceived out of wedlock and that makes me an extra baby, the product of cheating and maybe not wanted.

I kind of look like the rest of the family, even the dad I already know — except for my odd eye colour. Should I tell my mother what I heard about her cheating with a certain man and having me as a result — or should I keep it to myself?

Do you think my bio-father knows I’m his child? I found out his full name, and where he lives — not so far away. I don’t know what to do with this information, which makes me feel kind of sick. Please help.

— Mixed Up, rural Manitoba

Dear Mixed Up: Being a “father” has as much to do with dad-like behaviour as it does with sharing DNA with a mate to create a child. If you are treated with love by your mom’s present mate, it’d be wise to continue with things the way they are, at least for now.

Yes, it’ll be hard to tuck your insider knowledge away. You might talk with your mom and a school counsellor about it.

As far as contacting your bio-dad, you may want to wait until you’re a bit older, and then pay him a visit to talk adult-to-adult with him, if you possibly can.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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