Inaction not the path to take in untenable union

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This article was published 22/08/2024 (728 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is sitting on top of a gold mine and keeps reminding me about it.

My wife is her parents’ favourite child, and they are part of the working wealthy class, as I call them. They’ve never quit making deals in their old age, such as buying and selling houses, businesses and land. They siphon off parts of those profits to their adult kids and keep control of them that way.

My wife is a drinker and I have to keep reminding her that the bottles of hard liquor and all the cigarettes she smokes will kill her before she gets to enjoy her big inheritance.

She just laughs and keeps on drinking, smoking and watching TV. She is making me sick. Seriously, it’s gotten to the point where I don’t have the stomach to go home a few nights a week and I sleep at the office.

She says I’m hiding from her. I guess I am.

I can’t stand being married to her anymore. I can’t stand her drinking. Still, a lot of money is at stake and I don’t know where to go from here. She is threatening to kick me out of the marriage, although I’m the innocent one.

— Could Lose Big, East Kildonan

Dear Could Lose Big: The best thing for you do is to tell your wife you’re going into action mode and making some big changes.

See an accountant and a lawyer first. Get a read on the whole situation now and consider different possible scenarios for your future.

Let your wife know you want a life, while you still have one, that makes sense. That might not include her if she can’t get help for her alcoholism.

Contact Al-Anon (al-anon.org), a support program for friends and families whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking and attend some meetings for info and support.

Also, pass on the contact info (or even possible meeting times and places) for Alcoholics Anonymous to your wife, who needs help, but seems not to know she’s an alcoholic.

Visiting their website (aamanitoba.org) will help answer a lot of questions for both of you.

Most importantly it’s time to say to heck with her parents’ money, which has been a ball and chain for both of you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell in love in the spring, but just like every year I’ll be freaking out in the fall and sinking into a black pit. I can feel the coolness creeping up already.

A friend of mine suggested it’s the lessening of sunshine hours, but I know it’s something worse and it happened in the early fall one year.

It was very, very bad. It was not something I could tell my parents or a friend. I have blocked out the sickening details, but it was terrifying and sits at the edge of my consciousness like a dirty cloud. Please help.

— Scary Depression Coming, West Kildonan

Dear Scary Depression: To take you back in time to this traumatic seasonal event, you need to see a psychiatrist who will guide you as you face it and help you work through it safely. So, see your physician ASAP for a referral.

Your doctor will find you somebody whose work they respect and one who can take you back safely to those frightening experiences and work through them so they no longer have any power over you.

Luckily, psychiatrists are medical doctors, so their fees are covered by provincial health care.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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