Don’t get ahead of yourself with bus crush

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This article was published 27/12/2023 (1040 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m attracted to a guy who is 10 years out of my usual age range. We take the same bus in the morning. It was lust at first sight, on my part at least. I’ve been getting up earlier to dress attractively and put on makeup. I laugh in the mirror at myself. I look like a fashion plate getting on that bus.

Mr. X has started saving me a seat. We chat like friends, talking about the news. I know he looks forward to seeing me. If he doesn’t, he asks about my health the next morning. He never mentions a partner of either sex. The trouble is, I looked him up and there’s a possibility he’s married or used to be. He doesn’t wear a ring, though.

I know he has kids, but he doesn’t mention anything about a woman. Should I just ask him and possibly end this bus crush, or should I just shut up and enjoy it while it lasts?

— Flirty Girl, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Flirty Girl: Do you envision anything coming of this? If you don’t, a light flirtation might be safer for both of you, but knock off that big morning prep, as it psyches you up for romance.

As an interested platonic friend would do, ask him lots of safe questions such as, “Do you travel in the winter?” or “Got any pets? Hobbies? Vehicles?”

Then one fine day, spring this laughable one on him: “Got any wives?”

To start prepping yourself now, imagine he does so you can be a good sport if he gives you the answer you already suspect.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I wish I had become a musician instead of a boring accountant. I enjoy drinking, smoking and eating to excess, and also hanging out at bars as much as five nights a week. My wife recently told me those faults made me a less-than-attractive marriage partner. I am not an alcoholic, just so you know.

Then she pulled a surprise move. When I got home from the bar the other night, I went looking for her in the dark and was totally shocked when I found her in a different bedroom. It turns out she had two girlfriends come over while I was gone and made our spare bedroom into her private bedroom with a single bed. There is no room for me!

She told me not to worry because we could still have sex if we want to, but we would have our own rooms that look and smell the way we want them.

That will only be true for her. I love her beautiful smell. That was the best thing about sharing a bedroom with her. Now I might as well be living by myself in a hotel room.

I went into panic mode today and sent her a card with a bouquet of roses at her work. All she said in her response on the phone was, “Thanks. Does this mean you’ve given up your bar friends and drinking?” Why can’t she just love me the way I am? I drank too much when we got married, but so did she. She was even known then as the shooter queen.

Once we got married, she quit drinking in hope of us starting a family. I didn’t want that. I loved hanging out at the bar with my musician friends, and her. I would love to be in a band. I’m not even 30, and I love my wife, but I’m not a young boy who needs to be told what to do. Please help.

— Starting to Sweat, North Kildonan

Dear Starting to Sweat: Your wife is trying to make a serious point before she finally feels she has to pack up and leave.

You know she wants to have a family with a husband who can be an involved dad — and not remain a bar star and a band groupie. That description sounds harsh, but that’s who she’s afraid she’s married to.

Before your wife calls for the moving van, set up talks with an Alcoholics Anonymous counsellor (aamanitoba.org) about the major role alcohol and bars continue to play in your married life.

Perhaps you need to cut back on the drinking and invest your time in learning to play guitar, keyboards, drums or another instrument so you can become a musician yourself. That may be your true love in life, and a woman who is involved in the same life might be better partner for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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