Troubling chance sighting calls for clarification

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This article was published 10/11/2023 (1009 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: How do you un-see something you’ve seen? I’m a university student and I was coming from a dance class when I saw my father with a woman who was not my mother. He was crossing the street with her and holding her hand! I was trying to tell myself he was just keeping her from slipping on the icy road, but then he hugged her and kissed the top of her head.

I know what I saw! She looked up at him adoringly. They didn’t see me. I think I know who it is, considering the sport he’s active in. I have also seen her take part in competitions and I recognize her.

So, what’s going on? They possibly participate in a sport together… and he kisses her like that? How can I think anything else than he’s “seeing” her or worse? My dad’s not the kind of guy you can accuse of anything. I’m scared of him. What can I do?

— Upset Daughter, Winnipeg

Dear Upset: If your father is an openly affectionate man, it’s possible that was a casual kiss on the top of the head from a friend — but it does seem a bit much. So what are your options? You can certainly say, “Was that (so-and-so) I saw you with the other day, when I was coming from dance class?” If he’s innocent, he’ll answer the question naturally. But if he seems startled, and the first word out of his mouth is “Why?” he may be scrambling to find the right way to answer you.

If that conversation doesn’t help, you can say to your mother, “I saw dad when I was coming out of dance class and he was with so-and-so,” and leave it at that. If your mom has suspicions there’s anything going on between them, your dad will hear about it when you’re not around.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with a woman who is seven years older than me and married. We work together and handle a lot of important decision-making together. That’s how I learned we are absolutely suited to one another — two peas in a pod — but I’m 20 and she’s 27. No one laughs at us when we solve problems at work and make things easier for everyone, but they wouldn’t approve of us as a couple.

Her husband is a decent guy, which makes me feel indecent over the way I think about his wife. When I finally screwed up the nerve to ask about her marriage, she said, “He’s a good guy.” I asked once about her and I getting together and she laughed and said, “Too late for that… and too bad!”

That kind of gave me hope. Now I see her every day at work and my feelings grow. I think anybody with half a brain there knows I have a crush on her. It’s driving me crazy! She’s married with two kids, a dog and a house. Today I started thinking I need another job, or I’m going to lose my mind. What do you think?

— Losing My Cool, Fort Garry

Dear Losing: This woman you adore has told you to back off, nicely, and says it’s too late for you to be with her as she’s already going down another road with someone else. Lucky for you, there are only so many personality types and once you clearly identify what you want and need, it’s amazing how much faster you can spot similar people.

That means you’re going to have to start socializing outside of work. It would be a whole lot easier to get over this serious crush if you got a transfer to a different location, or found a totally different job. Walking away from love — even if it’s one-sided — is not easy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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